tainted tears x wind

2009-07-12T21:05:00.002+08:00

*clicks*

"System loading... 25%... 39%... 52%... 88%... 100%"
"System loaded."
"System rebooting..."

"Key inserted. System locked."
"System shutdown."

Bye. I am gone.

2009-07-12T20:45:00.004+08:00

Ying aka Xun Ka: Hey, thanks for being there with me when i cried. Thanks for going through the whole event with me too. i don't know what will i do if not for you there. Thanks for the listening ear and the great photo shoot we had. It was fun, let's have another one again :D And... i don't know what can i still thank you for but it seemed to me that you did many things for me. i really owe you a huge favor, ying. You gave me the hug and comfort i needed most when i cried. Thank you. Really... Really really. i am serious. Thanks so much, ying. Today meant a lot to me and you were there at my side, watching me as i snapped the rope. Thanks a lot.
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If I say I’ve forgot it all, then I must be lying. If I say I’ve no longer care, then I must be betraying.

It shall all end today. I’m letting go now. Releasing him from my grasps bit by bit, allowing memories of him to slip through my mind making it appear as if it’s all part of my past memories. This doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt in the inside however. Still I guess it’s time for me to move on. I can’t let myself stop here forever.

Everything is gone. After stepping out of the area, there went our chances, our beginning. This is our end. Today is the last farewell. I don’t think I’m seeing him again nor will I be going to the venue to see him. I will never ever see you, but I won’t forget you, my memory.

Next time, when I look up into the sky and see the stars, I’ll be thinking, “I once love a star. That once shone so brightly in my heart. Awfully bright, till it devoured the darkness in my heart.” Should I thank you for everything?

I can now smile and move on…

2009-07-12T20:33:00.004+08:00

the Second day and the last one.

Met up with xun ka today to settle some things of mine. Headed to Bedok first since Ying wanted to look at some shoes. i look good in boots~ Okay that was totally random. hahs!

Yeah, headed to downtown later on. Like duh! We ARE, really two extreme road idiots. Hahahas. WE TOOK THE SAME BUS THRICE! And the bus driver was looking at us with this kind of >.> face. HAHAHAHAHAS! Damn funny!! OMG ying, we are two blur blocks please! hehs.

Finally reached our destination. Went in to buy something before we started hunting around with Ying taking pictures. Hahs. She acted the same way i did when i first came there. lol. We walked and roamed about, looking for someone. It was weird, totally weird. Didn't managed to find the person when i tried so hard to do so. And when i gave up, that individual appeared. What the hell? Yeah... Okay... And many things happened then Ying and i had a mini photoshoot. LOL.

It was so impromptu but whatever. We were damn crazy, hah. Had so much fun. Man.. We are good photographers. Hahahas. Then some people came in to smoke and we left since i couldn't stand the smell. Walked walked walked before we bused home.

Darn. Pictures cant be uploaded. Next time then!

2009-07-11T20:57:00.002+08:00

the First day... and the second last one.

Today is a long long day!

It was raining early in the morning. Torrential rain. i was wet through and through. Met up with Gladys, Sae Yeoh, Ying, Xue Yi, Brenda and Shawn at Tanah Merah MRT. i was late for 15 mins plus. Ah! i'm so sorry guys!

Headed to Changi Airport to send Jolene off... again. Yep! On the way, we were betting who would press on the 'cry' button first and that person, has to treat us all breakfast. Hahs. We were talking about random stuffs like who wore what color shirt and what group they belonged to. Apparently we were divided into three groups. The Black, the White and the Purple (due to the color of our shirts). And we were again, guessing what colour is Jolene wearing...
When we saw her, she was wearing black tank top, purple skinnies and sort of white belt. Talking about coincidences... hahas. We took pictures and it looked as if she's some kind of pop star and we are her fans. Just that we were missing of those "JOLENE!" or "WE LOVE YOU JOLENE!" banners and posters. LOL.

Went to the staff canteen to grab a bite. And we went to the departure area later on. THEN! Gladys began to cry while hugging to Jolene. And Lee ying was affected when Jolene hugged her. Xue Yi, Sae Yeoh and i were holding back ours and we didn't tear. Yay us! We rock~ hah. Nearly i would say... i nearly cried. Jolene hugged everyone before entering the departure hall. We were still waving like crazy non-stop :D And she waved back. Everyone was staring at Jolene and her, back at us with only a sheet of glass acting as a barrier for several minutes which seemed like seconds to us. And there she went... back to Shanghai and that school of hers.

i was able to smile, sincerely and happily as she entered the departure hall this time. Hugs were given and goodbyes were properly said. Bye Jolene! Let's meet in 2010 again :D
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Dropped at Tam MRT to catch a movie with Brenda. Obsessed. Great show. It's a little draggy in the middle though but nevertheless.. nice! i didn't know Beyonce could act. Her acting skills aren't bad. Gee.

Had another SV outing. lol. Time sure passes quickly uh. i couldn't believe it was nearly 7 when i bused home. lol. The sky was still bright~ Right. Saw her but not many familiar faces. Weird. Hm... Oh well.
Pictures next post :D

2009-07-11T20:53:00.000+08:00

7 july 2009

Ahh~ Now I am clean and fresh. Hah.

Had a SV meeting after school. We shifted to two different locations. Our meeting was simply… a craze. We had so much fun with Nicky around. Hahahas. She is really… active. Yeah. Lol. Her enthusiastic greetings.. I will never ever forget them. Hahas. Just joking dude! :D

Let’s see… what Nicky did during our meeting… …

She stole away Natsumi’s first kiss, nearly French kissed her, licked her neck and legs and scratched her. Right.
She head-butt Yumi’s bum, licked her top and nearly climbed on her laps and started kissing her. Hah.
She scratched me, licked my socks and limbs and pounced onto me.
Oh yeah! She attacked all those areas and it became really funny when I see tsumi, yumi and myself shielding those areas with our hands. HAHAHA. Can you actually believe it? Hehs. Oh and she peed in the room. HAHAHAHAHAs.

But her face is SO cute and innocent that we couldn’t NOT forgive her. Aww, she’s so adorable. But she needs to workout. Hehs.

SV gave in to the torture of their hunger pangs and began their marshmallow session! Tsumi’s stomach growled… really loud. And everyone in the room turned to look at her. LOL. That moment was seriously hilarious indeed. I guess everyone had their moments uh? :D

Slow slow progress. Speed things up!

2009-07-05T14:25:00.002+08:00

Maybe i laughed too hard yesterday. Because i am feeling very woozy when i first woke up, a little dizzy now. When i first woke up, it was so horrible. i looked... drunk. i mean, you guys surely did get to see how people walk when they are drunk on TV/ real life uh?

And i was something like that >.> i CAN'T walk straight. i was staggering a few steps before my whole body slanted to one side and i nearly fell ._. it seems to me that the entire house is moving, and it's continuing now.

argh.

2009-07-04T22:29:00.002+08:00

HAHAHAHAHA. i mean.. what the heck? It's so hell funny! People pay 40 plus bucks for the food and performance. And we, helpers only have to pay using energy and 'face'. hah! Take that!

Today was tiring as i'd expected. Speech day was unbearable with the collaboration of the Principal and Ex- Principal to bore us all. Except for the stuttering pronunciation of some speaker and the fake death certificate that sent my surroundings and i laughing, i could practically dozed off on Jen's shoulder if not for the two guy out at the void deck learning shuffling that had entertained me.

Yeah.. Went up to dance studio later and helped the Juniors with make-up and stuffs. Perfect combination: Brenda and me! hahas. Headed over to D&I lab later on which was our waiting area. Met Jiling and Yanqi. Then together with Amanda, we chatted from one country to another. Non-stop chatting till we had to go down to the backstage and be ready. Gosh, the provided lunch is a total disater. Ewr. Yuck!

Went to the fitness corner with Yan yi and watched their performance. Good. Somewhere near sychro-ed, there's energy, smiles can be seen... It was good :D Cheers Juniors! hehs.

Stayed back to wait for Dong. And.. when the guests left, we helpers can helped ourselves to the food! HAHAHAHA. Saw Mrs Tjan and went over to talked to her. hehes. Long time no see, cher :D Yeah, we chatted and talked until some students wanted to have a picture with her. And i left with Byran...

TO THE FOOD TABLE! We were packaging the food to bring it home. Da bao! hahahas. So 'auntie and uncle'-like uh. Jasmine da bao two packets seh! hahahas. It was so fun and hilarious. We were running around, hunting for prawns (we wanted prawns), digging into crumbs to find them. It was extremely amusing for me. Hahaha. i couldn't stop laughing while adding food to my container >.> lol. Fun fun fun.

Five random facts/ words from me.
. Olivia Ong is actually an ex-damaian and i saw her today.
Someone was like, "eh! Olivia Ong leh!" and i was like, "uh. Okay... then?" lol
. i followed jasmine's example and crammed two containers with food. And i blamed it on Byran for teaching me.
. Xun ka, please don't scare me. i don't want to feel it twice again. MUST take care of your body!
. i don't want to study for SS
. i feel very ache-y right now.

2009-07-04T09:16:00.002+08:00

i'm back~!! lol. Finally i'm able to use the internet. So, here's my 3 July post. Kind of type it in Mword.

3 July

Okay he’s just seriously forcing me to cuss right at his bloody idiotic face. Yeah, Jen got my idea. Honestly… TRIPLETS! Hehe.

Sha ne is holy hell an expert. He fixed my correction tape when the tape snapped into two on me. Like wow? I was ass-ing my way to try getting both ends to tape together right from the start till I was too annoyed to bother with it anymore. Passed it to Sha ne later on and tada! He fixed it, using that barcode scan sticker ripped from his pen. HAHAHAHA.

Tomorrow is one bloody hell day for me. Speech day sucks total. We 4Es and 5As have to sit there like some kind of speakers who have to boom ovation at appropriate times— though half heartedly. And when Resident Committee (most won’t get who the hell the person is) announced that the VIP was our previous Principal, wow. I didn’t manage to stop myself in time to roll my eyes with Dong. No seriously. VIP man! Very important person.
But there’s one thing that will be able to make tomorrow’s event bearable. No, two things. Mrs Tjan and Yu Tong :D They will be back. Haha. I wonder how would things progress. *snickers*

Jolene came back today! She went “hello!” early in the morning and everyone started going “Jolene!” Hahahas. We sure missed her so. Xue Yi cried. Like oh my god? Elated = cry? Hahs. Damn Jolene, she didn’t tell me when she came back from Shanghai. Even though we _______ it together. Rawr! Yeah and I was surprised. Taken aback. Haha. But in the end she had to go home. Without permission, she can’t attend classes with us, you see. You should have taken my advice, Jolene. After recess, without Ms Carol’s lessons! Aww. But thanks for the animal case, Jolene. It’s furry and I love it. Hehs.

Anyway something freaky happened today and I don’t know why but… Yin and I somehow linked it to Jolene’s appearance intuitively. Uh huh. Ms Carol suddenly shouted at us and it was as if the lid to her container labeled ‘anger’ was opened. She became angry for no rhyme of reason. Okay, I’m not saying ‘No rhyme of reason’ since the reason was us. But it’s weird. Really really weird. We are usually noisy and she didn’t yell at us or anything. But today, she did. And that happened after Jolene made known her arrival. Is it me or just me that is the one thinking too much? Oh well.

Anyway, Okaeri! Jolene; 4e1 no nakama.

*hours later*

I just went through the gates to hell and back. It was.. Not as horrible as I have imagined. It hurts like duh, no doubt. But lucky me, it’s just gum inflammation. No filling needed. But he poked my gum! It was ‘OW’. He used that poking instrument to poke my bloody gum! ._. It’s simply a wonder that my sensitive gum didn’t bleed.

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Sigh. Got to go for the Speech day later on D: Then.

2009-07-02T15:13:00.002+08:00

Seriously pissed off at someone. But whatever. That person doesn't worth a darn shit.

Today's O level Chinese oral. Everyone is getting all panicky and stuffs. Good luck people! All the best! (like what i've said in class)

Go triplet! Go Lun! Go 4e1 of 2009! We rock the ceilings :D hehs.

i was actually planning to type down many many things since there were so many happenings during this week. The problem is that... i can't think of any right now. hah.

Oh right! i remembered one.

Went to Brenda's house to do homework yesterday. Kah! Triplets were laughing their asses off instead of studying. hehs. I was extreme freaked out by Pin-pin. Jen was going, "i gotch ya! i gotch ya!" when Pin-pin ran off the table and plopped into Jen's hand. Brenda was simply grinning her ass off at us. haha. We were talking about many many weird facts about ourselves and i got choked by that Ayam soup while snickering ._. Damn it. And i became the butt of of a joke created by them. lol.
We are one damn crazy triplets :D

For one thing i am sure about this week: i am devouring books more than i can handle. One book a day since there are many times i have to pause to check the class's progress during school hours. Crazy. i am on a book frenzy. RAWR!
. . . . . okay. That was lame. hahaha.

My dad banned me from the internet during weekdays. Like kuh~ i'm influenced by Jen. HAHAHAHA. Whatever. So this means i can't blog as much as i used to D: Bad luck uh. Whatever. i'm going to be so frigging busy during weekends so... SO LONG, STUDIES! i can't grasp you because i have no time. Even though i am mostly free during weekdays for this week, i can't used the bloody internet. Can't research. Can't study. Can't revise. Good riddance, my pre-prelims :D

Thanks for lending me the internet, buddy.

They get it. You don't. Fuck.

2009-06-29T20:41:00.002+08:00

Dang! Strike me hard please.

Today is the first day of Semester 2. Kinda cannot take it. Hohoho. All teachers are jabbing on to that fatal wound of ours ._. lol. As much as i like to tell myself to study, C.M.I.

i know i know... blah blah blah. Must prepare.. blah blah blah. Go school blah blah blah. Come home blah blah blah. Endless nagging. *snorts*

Well anyway, it is time for me to focus. And this time i really mean... FOCUS. Got it? *warns myself* It appears that i am talking to myself on this blog more often. Hah! First sign of madness :D

Oh and by the way, i have to stop my slang. It is affecting my speech. Adversely. So no more "Gotcha?", "wanna", "kinda" or "sorta" for me. Readers? If you spot any slangs coming out from my typing in my future posts, please feel free to inform me through my tag board. Informants will be rewarded with... i do not know? Sweets? Chocolates? HAHAHAHA.

Soon!

2009-06-26T20:07:00.002+08:00

Went out with Dong and Lun today. lol. We were walking aimlessly down town. And like i've been mentioning from my previous months posts, we are RIs of the RIs. Road Idiots of the road idiots. HAHAHA. Because we didn't plan where we wanna go in the first place, we hopped on to each bus we first spot and looked where it took us.

Hohoho. And in the end we landed at far east.

Man, a sense of accomplishment! hahas. We 'conquered' 3 MRTs today :D lol. Dong and Lun didn't buy anything except me! i bought my trousers and top.

Okay. that was the whole summary of my today. In short, we had fun. hehs

Didn't check. Didn't realize. Didn't know. My fault this time round.

2009-06-25T23:52:00.002+08:00

Two post within a single day. i know.

i just want to state something.

i was planning to do some compre's today. i was planning to finish up my Interphase today. i was planning to brush up my art today.

i was planning to do all of these i've said today. But it appeared that my mood was externally swayed. And i forgo this planning of mine.

*beep* you planted your own bomb on your property.

2009-06-25T20:47:00.002+08:00

Hell with them and their accusations.

i'm not a little bunny whose ears can be grab simply with a hand!

2009-06-24T15:02:00.001+08:00

Jokes jokes jokes. i am in a happy mood as you can sense. So, jokes for you guys!

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife.

The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for; a beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter.

The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night." The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him.

The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent. Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells."

The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing:

"Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!"

took this from forum. hahaha.

2009-06-23T18:44:00.002+08:00

Three major things i'm bothered with.

First big thing:
i'm still trying to find the connection between microtubules and centrosome and asters and centrioles. But apparently, i don't digg'. i was staring at the content. Just staring, with nothing entering or leaving my head. i have no choice but to read word by word since i am not that familiar with those terms in the first place. However this speed of mine is getting me nowhere. i can go on for eons without even understanding what the heck i've just read.
Should i postpone?
No. i'll just procrastinate it again further :\

Second big thing:
i do not know how much can i not look forward to the big test that awaits me end of this week. Man, i will be tormented! Definitely! hahaha. i have not been practising drawing for several days. 'Busy' you know? hehs. Aww shucks. i just hope that the theme i've chosen isn't tough. You gotta save me, not harm me Jen!

Third big thing:
i am deprived of sleep. i can't sleep much last night. i lay on bed for hours but all i did was to toss and turn. Can't sleep. Argh. My bio clock can't revert back to 11pm-doze i guess. Yeah and when i woke up today? Bwam! My head went back to the pillow. HAHAHAHA. Can't help it. i'm so tired. Sigh. Have to sleep early these few days. My body must get used to the perfect sleeping style once more. Wants to sleep late tonight but can't. All.. For the sake of the perfect concentration tomorrow :D lol

2009-06-20T14:56:00.002+08:00

Oh my god. i can practically scream right now. My bookies! They aren't 'ON LOAN'! haha. After a long search, my hard work has finally paid off. lol. Borrowed 5 books in total previously. So i could only borrow another 3 books now. But nevermind. All i want is those two bookies.

uh uh. And i'll let ya read them, Jen. i know you are as excited as i am. hohoho. What avid book readers we are... hold it. i mean, what avid sci fi-hot-guys-scanners we are. HAHAHAHA. lol~ Nay, i'm just bull shitting around.

*went to surf other websites*
*back*

Oh my god. Oh my god!OH MY GOD! My beloved 'Hunted' has made its appearance in libraries! That's fast. lol. OMG! OMG! i want to read my loving beloved favourite precious darling 'Hunted'! ARGH. And they gave me this 'On loan' words again D: Holy hell. i want to read hunted!! Hrmph. Nevermind. i shall camp at borders and continue where i've stop - at page 180 ._. Darn it! hehehes. Jen blamed me for stopping at such an interesting part. HAHAHAHAHA.

Perhaps my memory is getting real bad. And damn! It's maddening when i stared at an author's name, thinking that it's so familiar but i can't recalled what book she wrote i read. Man! That's the disadvantage of reading more than a dozen of vampires/ werewolves/ sci-fi novels :D You see, Jen and i mixed up story-lines sometimes. But those really really great ones like Nightwalker or house of night novels... You hafta knock us out for us to forget. hehes.

Wish i can come across good magical novels like BMT. After completing it, i don't remember thinking any other novels concerning about magic are good :\ Go Trudi!

2009-06-19T22:17:00.007+08:00

cv

Today, is a miracle. i was extremely pissed off but i didn't go around spewing vulgarities that i'm capable of speaking at people.
And this time, i am really really annoyed. To the extent that i could use the 'F' word as an adjective of my 'annoyed'. From the moment i woke up all the way till i went to JB and headed back home, my mood was ruined. To put it in simple words: Today, my whole day is ruined.

大怒理由一: i was woken up abruptly from my sleep.
Actually i can er... close an eye about this matter since my sleep has always been disrupted by my mum during schooling days. To wake me up abruptly is all right, i can assure you that. BUT! If you, just so unluckily, disrupt my rest AND i didn't sleep well enough... i'm so sorry, my temper at that time will be very very bad. Apparently that's what happened to me this morning. i was feeling pretty irritated when my mum woke me up since i can't jolly well sleep after 2 to 3 hours of tossing and turning of the bed last night.

大怒理由二: Destroyed dress.
i don't think i can blame anyone for this but.. ah well, it contributed to my 'Spoil my day!' campaign. Shit hell. That dress cost me 20 bucks! And now, even before i get to wear it, it was stained. Can't do a damn thing about it. Ass shit... Damn it lah! i love that dress and it's been quite some time since i took a liking to one of my clothes pieces. Craphole. What the hell sia. *Curses*

大怒理由三: Changed of clothes.
My dad told me i can't wear shorts to JB because of some reasons?? He didn't explained that clearly. Plus my mum added, "there not so safe lah." !#*$&@# Then why is that when i reached the shopping mall there were SO MANY teens and adults wearing shorts. Shorts, i emphasize, shorter than mine. >.> i had to change my top and bottom at the last minute. Argh.

大怒理由四: My own mood.
Told ya. These first three reasons spoilt my mood. And hence, my mood worsened because my mood was spoilt. Get it? No? Yes? Whatever. Yeah, and i didn't feel like shopping at all. It bores me. Weirdly enough. i was exceptionally infuriated. i did shopped, but because i didn't feel like it, i didn't buy anything. And damn! i felt that it's ridiculous to come 'overseas' and not buy anything. Then why in the world did i come here for!? So i was frustrated about my empty hands.

大怒理由五: My mum
This.. really. Not that i wanna tell on her. But she's darn ironic please!! (Told by mum and dad) i was supposed to go to JB to buy trousers/ pants/ jeans. And when she saw me holding on to some, waiting to be tried on, she told me this, "Jeans uh? Buy for what? You sure you got wear meh?" Wah *#&$&*!@@$#*&&^#%(*@$ ass shit. CAN I NOT BE FRIGGING PISSED OFF!?
Then i bought a belt to comfort myself (at least i bought something, even though how small or little). AGAIN, she told me this, "You got so many belt le. Still buy for what!" Walao! Never had i been so annoyed and mad sia. Let me tell you. At home, i have only ONE. i repeat, ONE! ONE PATHETIC BELT! And wow... That's called SO MANY. i didn't know that (: Thanks for correcting my maths addition mistakes, uh. And also, can you NOT butt in to give your remarks whenever i buy something? i'm fine with it occasionally but not frequently. Thank you.

大怒理由六: Buying of straightener
Urm.. yeah. i can again, forget about this little thing since what i really want is a curler not a straightener. Hoh! Once again i'm telling you. It happened once again. My dad was telling me this," Do you really really want it?" And i was contemplating about putting the straightener back on the shelf. And my mum went "Ya lor. You also no need." (Again this sentence)
All right. i put it back on the shelf, feeling a little upset because i can't buy but oh well. To me, the straightener was a 'can buy then buy. Can't then forget it" product. Naturally, i will feel a little sad that i can't buy it but it doesn't matter that much. Then my mum was again there saying,"You also no need. Buy for what. Buy also no use. Don't buy lah" these kind of words. I HAD already put it back the shelf. What else more do you want!? Can you stop harping on how unnecessary this product is to me? i know it okay! That's why i placed it back! All right!? i was not angry 'cause i can't get my straightener. i was irritated by those remarks!

大怒理由七: Buying of boots.
That was.. the last straw, i guess. i mean, yeah i didn't find the jeans i wanted or the tops i felt that was nice. i bought a belt and nothing more. But i wanted boots! Not those killer heels boots or whatever. Just plain, normal boots. without heels. And my dad told me, i shouldn't wear them at this age. Uh?! I WANT THOSE BOOTS. They have flat soles so they will not kill me. Why can't i buy them!? i didn't buy tops or bottoms. i didn't buy books or make-up. How come i can't buy those boots!? This cannot buy that cannot buy. Buy le still need to endure all remarks. Why did i come to JB in the first place i do not know now. i was darn furious. Wasted trip. Waste time waste energy. Everything also waste.

i know i've been typing in somewhat proper English (i guess?) for quite some time. But now, let me switch to Singlish. Just for this post. Can't really vent my anger if it's in proper English. hehs.

In my opinion lah, today don't go JB i think i won't be that angry lor. Okay lah, i'm not that bad till that i will say this trip is REALLY wasted (it's wasted for me) since kor bought many clothes. At least my bro got what he wanted :D
And my parents think i am sad because i didn't find what i want ._. what the heck?. lol. Cannot find cannot find lah. i didn't expect much from Jusco and Tesco in the first place. Even their Topshop Topman cannot make it lor. Che. Their stocks are like . . . lor.
i predict my PMS coming. HAHAHAS. okay, that was really cold. hehes. Sigh.. surely is yesterday's mood affect today's mood lah. confirm plus chop! And my bro today like acting high-class *oops =x* keep asking my mum don't do this in public very unsightly, don't do that in public very embarrassing to him. Er.... right. lol. For me, i don't care. That's my mum and that's how she acts everytime. Used to it le. hohoho. Okay. Enough. Gotta pack up and dive into my werewolf novel le. Hope tomorrow's gathering will be interesting not boring.

P.S. Today's cheese baked rice and dessert i ate in JB is the worst i have ever tasted >.>

2009-06-18T16:31:00.015+08:00

Oheya' all,
i officially declare my new craze! :D

脩!

Kyaaaa!! (: i love Xiu!

He's just utterly cute and hot. hahas. He acts, writes songs and lyrics (i think). He's a guitarist too x3 And when he simply holds or plays the guitar?

i can totally go into fan girling mode. hehs. Right. Don't you think they made one fine cute couple? hehehes.

脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩! 脩!

lol.

Oh by the way, i just saw something on the forum that sent me giggling like hell. Look at what the member wrote.

"muiluvdonglunzhe"

HAHAHAHAHAHAS. i think she don't really know she's referring to us. hehs. Coincidence uh? Who knows...? Our clique has fans! HAHAHAHAS ._.||| okay, i'm lame. lol.

Going JB tomorrow with my family members. It's been a long long long... very much long, extremely- er... interminable amount of time since we went on a 'holiday'? hahs. Gotta stock up my wardrobe with pants and trousers. i'm buying shoes too! That is.... if my mum allows. lol.

Right, let me see.
Tomorrow i've to go JB.
Monday i've to *censored* :D
Tuesday there's AM extra lesson.
Thursday DLZ is going out.

busy busy busy :\ Oh yes! About the pictures taken on Jen's celebration. My darn computer died on me AGAIN! How many times has it done so? Hmm... *counting in progress*
Anyway... sorry to say but, next time the photos will be posted? hehs.

Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu! Xiu!

Shit! They somehow look the same.

2009-06-14T14:29:00.003+08:00

Oh yes... Oh yes i'm SO gonna rant on the bloody place.

GIANT; Parkway Parade.

You suck! bloody hell. Open your eyes and check the food before putting it on the selling shelves, idiots. Darn shit! i'm on the verge of suing you fools, dumb holes. Never am i going to step into that friggin' bloody place again. Not over my dead body! eh?
Hold it... i'm NOT GOING TO PATRONIZE ANY GIANTS ANYMORE. Darn you dimwits!! The food you sell made me suffer like shit hell. Never am i going to be a GIANTS customer again. i won't ever trust you and your food again. Darn it. There goes my trust you that supermarket. Simply because of one big pathetic, and in my opinion, UNCLEAN, food. It's in a package furthermore. Oh hell yes am i going to swear. *Curses* Nay, okay i'll say it. Fuck! (This word will be a RARE in my blog from now on. Unless i'm really really pissed off)

------------------------------------

Okay. Enough of my rants. Here's my promise about what happened during Jen's birthday.

Actually, Brenda, Sharol and i had baked a Tiramisu cake for Jen. But it was about 19cm i guess? And apparently Brenda didn't have such a big disposable container. So i had to bring the 19cm container all the way to Tampines and from there, we had to bus all the way to Parkway Parade. yeah, it's kinda like a going-one-big-round trip. Ah, and we were late for an hour half. Jen was sending messages like, "You two are so dead." (i can imagine the expression on her face. A look that kills. haha). lol. Headed to ECP's arcade and saw Louis and Jennifer playing DDR. Crazy hell. hahas.

We went to bowl later on. Holycow! Our bowling deproved (if there's such word). Jen was lokang-ing all the time. HAHAHAHAS. We were darn sarcastic. hehes. After one game, only louis scored hundred and above >.> Pathetic score i have there. hahas.

Went back to the arcade and plaed DDR and Parapara. We were budging on to these two machines lah. Damn my para para sucks a lot. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT 'stage failed' ON ME! i was totally shocked please! Can't believe it. It never 'stage failed' once on me before. Ah damnit! i knew i had to practise.

Cycled afterwards. And we played water. It was extremely fun. 'Ow' ings could be heard from everyone when seawater went into our eyes. HAHAHAs. And we sat, our back facing the sea giggling as the water withdrew after the splash. hehes. The sand and water.... Everyone was looking at us like we were some kind of freak show.

Jen went screaming, "it went inside! AHHH!" And Louis was like, "See? Inflating pants." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAs. It was so much fun! Really! Then i requested Louis to pull Jennifer and play, distracting her attention. But apparently, he failed to do so. hahas. So we had him covering Jen's eyes with his hands while Brenda and i lighted the candles. It was tough work! Damn the wind! It took us more than five minutes ._.

lol. We were babbling something i've forgot so that Jen didn't link the candles smell with cake (However she did. in the end) hehes. It was fun... overall. Crazy to add. And i'll post the photos when i'm using my computer. i am, currently using my dad's lappy. So... then!

2009-06-12T22:29:00.004+08:00

Ya hoi! i'm postponing yesterday's Jennifer's birthday celebration to the next post. hehes. Kinda busy looking out for hot dark sizzling hunks right now. HOHOHO. Jen should know what i'm talking about. hehs.

i feel like a media critque >.> lol. Movies, dramas, shows... i finished them all before deciding whether it's worth to recommend. hehs. Don't ask me why. i HAVE to recommend good stuffs to my closes. Share the fun, or so they said. HAH! Dunchy knowy. And if anyone runs out of dramas to watch, you may want to have a look at this recommending list.

If you just wanna pass time (without getting all excited or teary-blurry)
watch:
Mei Chan no Shitsuji
Kami no Shizuku

Sorry but in my opinion, these two are sorta... i don't know normal? lol. Kami' is a disappointment. Actually episode one had me. But the rest of it was... yeah, you get the idea.
Mei Chan' is better than Kami', i guess. But... It just can't get me involved with the show. You know... i can't go "KYAA! Don't do this!" or "OMG. What's she gonna do next?" Those kind of insane madness one gets when one's engrossed with the show.

If you wanna get a little involved (with a little comedy/ romance or tear jearker)
watch:
Seigi no Mikata
Atashinchi no Danshi
Godhand Teru
Mr Brain
One pound Gospel

These shows are pretty good. i teared a little for some of the shows. And i was squealing with anticipation for others. i cried, screamed, laughed. It was fun watching them. It was really an enjoyment. Oh, and please note that these are just some of the dramas i will recommend. Many others fall into this category.

Lastly, if you wanna get addicted to the drama (with you not sleeping or eating just to finish it, which i doubt it will be till that extend)
watch:
One litres of tears (the Number one recommended)
Claymore (Anime)
Ijimae
Gokusen (1st, 2nd or 3rd season. Don't watch all three. You may get sick of it)
Liar Game
Tantei gakuen Q

Now i'm stating this first. These are simply one of those few dramas/ animes (all Japanese and one Korean) that are good. And what i've recommended are only dramas and animes. There are many others like Naruto, Bleach, Death Note et cetera et cetera... There's just too many to be named.
Also, it's just my thinking, my opinion. You guys may or may not agree with it. i don't care. This is what i think, all right.

And yeah... i'm a drama fan that's difficult to please. Hot guys with sucky storyline? It's a NO for me (no matter how much i love them). Interesting plots but not that nice main characters? May pass my average mark, or may not. It has to see their acting skills.

2009-06-11T09:32:00.006+08:00

Okays. Photos are up now on my blog. i'll wait till Sae Yeoh send me those she took before compressing them into a folder. If you want all the photos at one go, please wait for a while... i'll upload it all at the class blog and you can download it from there.

Yeah. i'm continuing from yesterday. After the whole party thing. i went to Brenda's house together with Sharol and we were a craze! HAHA. Laughed like no one's in the house. And yeah, we 'baked' something. HOHOHOHO. lol

We had this bowl of dark coffee powder and hot water mixed together and after using, there's still a large portion left behind. And... We did something extremely insane. We went to make it drink-a-ble. We added sugar, creamer and more hot water. SHAROL ADDED UNSWEETENED DARK CHOCOLATE! Augh. hahas. But the whole process was fun. Now... Let the pictures do the talking.

Beauty and the Beasts :D Okay okay... Hunks, or so... that's what they called themselves ._.

Our pretty star today - Mrs Tjan!

Apparently Sister was also one of those that was sabo-ed.

9 boxes of pizzas! There's one more behind this stack hidden.

4e1 of 2009, people... We rock!
-------------------------
Two cheese cake. One for me, the other for Sharol
Their face looked so concentrated. But wait, look at the next one.
Sharol and her wacky face. haha
The cooking MaMas. hehes (Xclude me!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNIFER!
i'll post today's birthday celebration pictures in the next post.

2009-06-10T20:40:00.002+08:00

Today's fun and sad. Crazy and unlucky. unbearable and unwilling.

Today has Physics lesson followed by AM. Totally unbearable. i was there praying fervently that the clock will turn faster and that the lesson will end quick. Don't know why, today is one of those rare days i have. Because i can't stand AM lesson when usually i am able to do so. Weird.

Went down to refill my water bottle after AM lessons had ended. Here's another phenomenon- Everyone seemed to be getting dehydrated and kept on drinking lots and lots water. We were consistently asking if anymore had any water to spare. Strange. Saw Mrs Tjan on the way back to class. Told her that we would like to shorten the break time.

So not long, she was in the classroom looking at us as we did our SBQ test. Ah well... the test. Un-manageable. lol. To me. Though Mrs Tjan said it was pretty easy >.>

Sae Yeoh and i 'body-guarded' her from the classroom to the staff room and from the staff room to the canteen for the party. hehes. We were afraid that she would run off. HOHOHO.

It was crazy lah. Someone ordered 10 pizzas. 29 people> 10 '14' inch pizza> 4 bottle of drinks. We were extremely full after our second piece lor. But i ate 3 pieces in total. Can't waste food. hehes. lol. i had a extremely hard time finishing my 3rd piece. i was staring at it with this 'can see cannot eat' thought hovering my mind. After much difficulty, i swallowed the last piece of crust. lol. Bloated stomach!

In the end, we had 5 remaining pieces so we decided to play a game. Loser bring home one piece. And i was, so happened to be, one of the losers. (*&#$ Argh. Damn it! HAHAHA. But it was fun seeing e1 playing a game.

Bye Mrs Tjan. Thanks for the six months memories (:

2009-06-09T22:25:00.003+08:00

Why do hot guys always start with the alphabet 'E'? hehes. First it's Edward. Now Erik. Oh wait. Sorry, my mistake. i shall rephrase it.
All hot guys start with different alphabets, not necessary with 'E'. Evidence? You wanna see some? Okay... let me name some of those i know.

Loren, Stark, Edward, Erik, Dimitri... Heath (should i count him in? He's cute. All right then) There's still Barrons, V'lane (ugh) and Lord Master? Oh well, he's included then. There's Acharin and some other guys what-is-their-names-again? *giggles*

Okay okay. Back to the main communication line. lol. i hereby declare who i love. i declare and state and announce that i... love...

The CAST family! Or so, that's what i call them. Can't remember their initials very well ._.

i love them! i love them! i love them! Really.... Their sense of humor has surpassed almost all the books i've read. Including Stephanie Meyer (hers is pretty good). They rekindled my love/ passion for books again! Oh my god. ilovethemilovethemilovethem very very much!! AHH!

Here's my ranking of the top five authors:
1st: Cast family
2nd: Trudi Canavan
3rd: J.K Rowling
4th: Stephenie Meyer
5th: Jocelynn Drake

love them love them love them all~ they make my life more exciting

2009-06-08T22:10:00.002+08:00

Guilt speared me once. Twice. Thrice. Then one more time.

i have a guilty conscience. Oh my god. i've hurt so many people's feelings in one day. How evil can i be!? No amount of apologies will be able to make up for it. Oh crap. Oh crap. what have i done?...

My hands are a little full at the moment, with many many things to handle at a go. i need to plan for the future, the present and after the next day after. My mind is whirling. i'm twirling. See me do the Pirouette. lol. Augh. Cold joke i know. HA. HA ._.

i gotta get her present. Plan for the farewell (if there's any. Luckily, with the help of my beloved friends). Head to the library. Finish up my precious HUNTED. Study for Physics SPA. Complete my Hols HW. Start O level revision. Plan the surprise. Set the venue and time et cetera et cetera. Oh! And i have to get in contact with her for the details. And there's also another surprise happening! Wait... did i miss out anything else?.. ... i think i did. Can't remember. Oh well.

Nevermind. Oh my gosh... My dearest people around me, I. AM. SO. EXTREMELY. UTTERLY. AWFULLY. SORRY if i've hurt your feelings in any way. i know i'm quite.... all right all right, very selfish these few days. The mood swings problem is kicking into me again...

Dong, i'm so sorry that i dragged you out for the outing.
Xue Yi, i'm very sorry if i gave you some 'black face' of mine or hurt you in any ways verbally.
Brenda, i'm really sorry to request you to do the callings for me and also to fret about the details of the after the next day after outing.
Sae Yeoh, i'm awfully sorry that i left you to organise Mrs Tjan's farewell or such things when it was supposed to be my job. You did a great job! Sorry for lazying around instead of helping out.
Rest of the people out there, i'm extremely apologetic if i abandoned or simply ditched you guys somewhere i don't know where or for something which i don't know what.

Like i've said, i don't remember things well. Gratitude or hatred. Both of them. i can't remember it well. Please pardon me for my rude remarks or absurd mistakes. i know my selfishness has annoyed some people somehow D:

2009-06-05T19:54:00.004+08:00

"The name's Malluce, asshole."
"Okay then, Malluce asshole."

HAHAHAHA. Barrons' cute to the core, man! HAHAHAHA. Oh my gosh, i'm feeling very elated right now. But i don't have the mood to blog. But since i'm feeling so happy, i shall blog about 1st June's outing. Yeah i know... Way too long ago. blehh.

Went out with Jasmine and clique as i've said. Went to Ya Kun to have our breakfast. On the way there uh, we received many many looks and stares. lol. Not that we mind actually. We sorta... ignoria zem, zou see? (haha. caught that weird accent from Colin ._.)

Stayed at Ya Kun and chatted for more than an hour, i think. Even after finishing our breakfast. We were like... not budging from our seats and refused let go. haha. Not that there's any customers in the first place. hehs. In the end, we managed to lift our butts of ze chairs and headed over to Plaza Sing'.

Zeu know? Uh? Ze spent 2 hours in ze same shop! Zwo hours! Practically because Jasmine wanted to get something. And when she's finally done, Pei Ling and i suddenly had to hunt for the materials. So we followed the salesgirl round and round, practically scanning through ze entire shop. And finally, after much conclusion, we went back to Cathay for our NATM2 movie.

Hrmph. i remembered getting pissed. And also recalled Jasmine getting angry. But the only difference was that, Jasmine knew what she's fuming over, and me? i hadn't had a clue! Okay i know i'm weird. But hey, that's me all right! Ya got a problem with zat? hehes. Hehs... Yeah, twirled around after the movie ended and then home sweet home!

USHISHI! USHISHI! BWAHAHAHAs
Okay. Just ignore me. i'm insane.

2009-06-01T19:41:00.003+08:00

i'm not feeling so good right now.

i'll narrate today's happenings in the next post.

Bye.

2009-05-31T21:06:00.002+08:00

HAHAHAHA. i'm laughing my ass off right now! Oh my gosh~

hehs. i'm happy right now. My message to them probably has tugged the ends of their lips, i guess. That's good. i think that's all i can do to help them relax or calm down. Even if it's only for a split second, even if they are grinning for only a split second :D

Want to know what i sent? And their replies? haha... All right. Let me say this first: It's in chinese and i'm not translating it.

i sent:
华人们！哈哈。祝你们明天一帆风顺！Er，一路平安，全身安康啦！哈哈哈。加油！！

Their replies:

Racist o.. Malay and tamil leh?! (._. i told him i'm not multi-lingual)

谢啦！你的祝福对我来说非。。。常。。。重要。让我信心十足 :P (HAHA. Both of us 瞎扯 a lot)

你真是胡说霸道，别再花言巧语了，做事可要三思而行，不要做出伤天害理的事！但还是要谢你，为我们打气。(must specially specify this person. It's by Xue Yi. HAHAHA)

那么，谢啦。。。我就祝你早睡早起，心身愉快，白头偕老，早生贵子。。。(evil girl!)

hehes...

2009-05-31T20:35:00.002+08:00

Bloody hell.

STOP TOUCHING THE DARN KEYBOARD AND MOUSE, MORONIC FINGERS!

Argh.

Going out with HMT clique tomorrow. bye.

2009-05-29T21:12:00.003+08:00

i was pleased, pissed then appeased before getting pissed again. Don't understand? Then please allow my humble self to explain. lol

Today's the last day of term 2 semester 1. Had use-your-hands campaign early in the morning right after assembly. Collected results slips after the campaign ended. i'm pretty much pleased with my results. And wow! Ms Carol apparently, chose this day to give us a surprise. 12 sets of comprehension. Plus the 3 sets we received yesterday? 15 sets in total. hah. Kill me already!!

Headed home and slacked around till 3.30 when i left the house for the library. And i had to wait for a hella half an hour for the moronic bus 63 to arrive. By the time i reached the library, it's already 4.30. The whole journey took an hour! i was pissed. i wasted an hour of my precious time standing and sitting. Nice way of spending my time >.>

But then again, when i had my hands on the book i was searching for, my anger was appeased. lol. i was grinning away like some kind of freak retard when i carried my want-to-read books to the counter. ahaha! Can't help it. It's been a very super extremely utterly awfully incredibly long time since i entered a library. i had to abstain from my darling novels three weeks before Mid-Year Exams started all right! Argh.

Walked to PP later on and settled my butt at BORDERS. Gaahaha. i was actually planning to continue where i've stopped in 'Touch the dark'. While in search for that book, i spotted this title that triggered the berserk wire in my brain. 'Hunted' Oh gosh oh gosh! i knew it's out but i've yet to purchase it (too expensive). i was smirking like no one's looking okay! Grab the book and began my somewhat noisy reading at a corner. i was giggling and stifling a laugh most of the times. What can i say! The author's sense of humor has now attained a higher level than before. The book was darn funny! Ahaha. If only i wasn't outside in the public reading book, i would already have laugh my ass off and scream like insane child. haha. i've read the first 100pages of the book! :D
Oh by the way. Why am i pissed again, as mentioned in the first sentence? Right. Because there were this group of boys (or maybe only two boys) who are of a JC-Poly age and yet, still acting immature. They weird freaks arh~ lol. i was just seated down at a corner reading my favourite book and these bunch of monkeys walked past me and started laughing raucously. i was wearing my cap at that time so, i didn't bother to look up at their faces. Yes, their faces are unknown to me. i don't give a damn about their looks.
And minutes later, a guy from the group squatted down beside my chair (mind you, i'm seated in a way that my back is facing a shelf full of CDs) and feigned looking at the discs. And the rest of the idiots in the group started guffawing. What the heck!? Suckers. Act stupid uh? Whatever, assholes with no life.

blah blah blah. met up with my parents and had dinner with them. blah blah blah. Headed back home.

Oh! My dad bought a new LCD TV :D

2009-05-28T15:57:00.003+08:00

i give credits to louis >.> lol. As he as expected, my friends were teasing me about yesterday's performance. Argh. Willy still said i had a break-through and i was like extremely confused about his words. He then said this to me, "You finally looked more feminine" ._. Felt like humptumping his head. Hey.. Whatcha mean? i'm ALWAYS feminine okay~ hahas.

Total chaos in my brain during the AM lesson. The messengers were rampaging within my brain, holding on to information which somehow, was removed from the shelves. Panicked like hell. i was like "uh? uh? uh?" all the time. Jen tried explaining but it didn't help much. haha. lol. Thanks for the effort anyway, Jen! Yeah... When the lesson was about to end, a wire just clicked into place and i got it. lol. i told cha'.. i'm a fast learner. hehes

The rest of the day was sort of.. free time i guess? i did worksheets, played UNO and Stress (yes. Deprived childhood. HAHA) etc... Mundane... Sigh. Time to start the ball rolling once again.

Revision ga hajimarimasu!

2009-05-27T16:15:00.004+08:00

Argh. Hair spray>.> Why in the world did i use it when it doesn't really much work in the first place?

Alright. Let's talk about today.

Before the performance, Jen was really hyper for who-knows-why reasons. She was doing the strange actions for "we'll walk in naturally" and "let's partay~" sentences like this. lol. Cracked up.

Went to change into our costumes and began tying up our hair after that. *repeats first sentence of post*

Went to the hall and waited. Dadada and it was our turn to perform. lol. Now there's a reason for me to hate being in the center._. i was so friggin' close to the audience AND my CLASS! bleahs-

Met up with Dong and Lun later on. They say i seemed as if i'm wearing make up when obviously i'm not? lol. Yeah i know, i look weird :3

So... last performance is over now. Oh, and don't cry for those mistakes we had during the dance, juniors. It is all right! There's still tons of performances awaiting you guys! Why stumble and never get up on this time's performance?

You've got to continue to dance on, juniors. Continue to dance on...

2009-05-26T19:43:00.002+08:00

Die. Die. Die. Die.

lol~ All die. What the heck is with that kind of ending? haha. Everyone die together uh? lol. Watched this anime with this 'everyone, except the main character, died at the last part' ._. lame sia. haha. what the hell~

All right. Tomorrow's the performance. Gotta have a good night sleep and plenty of rest. Sore jaa!

2009-05-25T18:08:00.003+08:00

Hyaa... Feeling nostalgic. Had dance practice today for the upcoming (in this case, day after tomorrow) performance in front of the school. Tada... SYF showcase!

Feeling kinda sad anyway. i presumed my last performance will be around July which is *put my hands to my forehead* so far away! And suddenly Ms Yap bombed us this news, that our last performance, for the seniors is just day after tomorrow (actually we knew it like two weeks ago?) Quite shocked to hear that.

Today's practice is really... ... really... urm, how to put it? It is good in the sense that everything seemed like before. haha. i mean, as usual Gu Zheng was playing in the front of the hall with their "bwams" and "thiangs". And the band was practising their piece with "baadaa"s and "buu"s. As for us, dancers, we were again, stuck between both of the performing arts groups and our instructor had to shout extremely loud so that all dancers could hear.

Hahs... With Ms Yeo yelling, "point your legs!!" i really feel that time has reverted back to before SYF happened. Everything was the same. Seriously!
Gu Zheng is playing their SYF piece. So is Band. And us... Gawd, it was such a nostalgic scene.But somehow, the atmosphere wasn't the same as back then. But it can't be help, can it?

Was super happy on the way back home. Had some *ehem* talk with SCARLET. Three lines down. Natsumi is so, so pervy! HAHAHA. okay okay. i shall not leak any of our conversation further.

Ah~ah. i am so happy that i'm able to experience the same kind of scene/ situation again. Memories just started seeping back :D With this performance as my last, i think.. i'm prepared to step down. Let's make this dance one of our best, dancers (:

2009-05-22T16:28:00.002+08:00

No one taught me how to survive. i have to learn the hard way.
No one taught me how to hang on. i have to pick up the skill myself.
No one taught me how to be strong. i have to experience to learn.

Bit by bit, i had to suffer a thousand blows just in order to learn a lesson. One by one, i had to fail many times just to know how to stand up... i'm sure. That everyone out there may have suffered as much as i did.

During exams, you clung onto a rope so tightly as if your life depended on it. You hanged on, held on. Despite the fact that you could release your grip and free yourself from the grazes caused by the tumbling rocks above you for the rest of the journey. But you persisted on till the entire journey ended. So how could you say, it was dumb of you to persevere till the very end? Have you actually forgotten? The reason why you stayed on the rope till the end? You want to see what's waiting for you at the end didn't you? You want to see how far you could go. You want to see yourself meeting the expectations of yourself or your family members. There was a part of you who stubbornly, obstinately refused to let go, refuse to see yourself defeated. Was what i have said... a bulls-eye?

The results i got back from this year's Mid Year Exams, though in my opinion, is an above average one. Still, it hasn't reach my satisfactory level yet. Tsk. Pathetic me.

Watch on, Prelims. i'll be smacking you head-on soon! Just you wait...

2009-05-18T17:46:00.005+08:00

BAKA!

i'm pissed by that dumbass workshop. Wasted my entire free day. Let me tell you straight in your face, **** ****, it's NO USE! Doesn't worth my 80 bucks plus.

THERE'S NO POINT IN THAT WORKSHOP, asshole.

2009-05-16T20:42:00.002+08:00

Went shopping with Xue Yi and Jen today. ah ha. Man, my heart pains to see my money fly away. HAHAHA. lol.

Met Brenda and Gladys and Pei Ling at T1 coincidentally. What a small world uh? hehs. Sigh.. if only it didn't come on Xue Yi, she won't feel so gloomy today. Aw shucks. Such a pity.

Started shopping around T1 at first. Every time, and i really mean it. Every time, the price never fails to stun me. Expensive stuffs sold at T1. haha. Met many Japanese and Korean there.

Headed over to TM afterwards. There! Was where we started buy like crazy. hahas. And Xue Yi was pretty pissed off when Jen and i stayed in a shop for a little too long. haha. I swear i saw smoke rising from her fist! :D Xue Yi went off then since she has to visit her Grandmom. So Jen and i went to CS and continued our crazy buy. hehes...

hyaa... i'm tired after all those walking and buying. i feel extremely accomplished now. LOL

2009-05-15T11:24:00.003+08:00

{adding on}

Came back from care after heading there to meet WC and gang. hehs. They didn't change at all! Okay, maybe except their physical appearance. Kahh! Joyce and Jerene. Had so much fun and laughter with them. i bought a plate of rice but i laugh and laugh till my stomach felt bloated. LOL. Went to SC but.. yeah, we know something and yeah... we won't be back. hah. There's two new teachers. Didn't have a good impression about them. Teacher Angie quit! Oh my gosh... i will miss her so. Now left is only one-stalk-flower teacher. hehs.

We persuaded Teacher Jennifer to let us into our usual room. hahs, why i say usual? Because that's where we always play and talk before or after school! That's where we normally hang out when i was in Primary school. So apparently we went into the inner room and started collecting our memories. We played blind mice. hoh, the space to crawl under the table seems so small now. HAHAHA.

Had a few bruises here and there. Owie. We played for an hour plus before lying on top of tables and started chatting about our life. Sigh, can't believe it. i'm in Secondary 4 now. Hayaii.

{added}

ah hah. ha ha ha.

First, i want to hug my brother for forcing the 1000 questions about Physics on me. Of course, i can't possibly finish all the questions in one day. But i did more than half :D

The questions are... demoralizing. Why do i say so, you ask? Because majority of the questions i did are wrong. And due to that reason, i started to panic. i'm sure you guys know that,

wrong answer = wrong concept = never learn properly ._.

i was so freaked out and i kept on doing and doing. And whenever i did a question wrongly, i'll flipped to the back and try to understand what in the world the author of the book is explaining. Oh, i barely managed to save my head from cracking open by doing so. And there were like more than 60 questions that i don't understand.

THOSE QUESTIONS MADE ME DESPERATE FOR HELP! So i kept reading and revising on the same chapter again and again. From 2pm to 2am in the morning. i was reading the same few chapters again and again. Heck, i didn't have time for electricity because of that D:

But again.. those questions made Mr Phoa's paper 1 look so easy >.> Not that it's really very easy but still can managed. Alas! i'm so-so contented with my physics paper 1 marks. But paper 2? uh. No confidence at all. lol~

now i'm off to play...

Wee... EXAMS ARE OVER! like finally?

2009-05-14T14:07:00.002+08:00

3 hours of sleep... Yawns. Man, i'm really really tired.

Today's physics is okay... But as usual, i'm not confident in my electricity calculation...

i'm... sigh... whatever lah. Not happy with my results D: Hrmph... don't care liao lah.

Tomorrow's the last paper - EM paper 1. i guess, i can finally take my long deprived nap. hohoho

2009-05-13T14:17:00.002+08:00

i think i'm gonna be deprived of sleep soon. Wait, i AM already deprived of sleep. let's have a hour count shall we?

4 hours yesterday, 7 hours today. Total of 13 hours slept for two days. i slept 13/48 hours ._.

Okay lah. quite good that i've 7 hours sleep today. i'm supposed to wake up at 6am but apparently my body didn't heed my words.

Today's AM went pretty well for me. Well, if there isn't any careless mistakes here or there that is... i'll have much confidence in getting a good grade. The price of my eye bags paid off. haha!

Physics is next. Holy oly mama! Chapter 1 to 20 and now, i'm still stuck with chapter 1. What the heck!? Shit shit shit... gotta hurry up. So long, peeps. later!

2009-05-12T13:05:00.003+08:00

Confession coming right up...

Okay okay. Isn't really a confession anyway. Woke up at 3.15am today without my mum knowing it. you know... Today's Biology paper so i wanna get more time to revise you see. But as usual, i slumbered back on to my bed for an hour plus before jerking up again. Half-conscious sleeping. Bet you can't do the same thing as me uh? lol.

So i slept at 12am. woke up at 4 plus. Four hours of sleep. Yes, i'm physically tired, but mentally alert. Can't really sleep well with this "Biology exam tomorrow ah!" thought wandering in my head. So i woke up, went straight to my table to pick up my notes and study using the torchlight my brother left at my room. Not really that hard for me to keep awake. i had to listen hard for every single sound outside my room time to time. That, kept me awake somehow. lol. However, i did yawned several times and shut my eyes for several seconds. 5 seconds nap. hah!

i managed to rush out 5 chapters within an hour. Surprisingly uh! i was taken aback by my splendid half-awake productivity too. haha. Just joking. Slipped into bed and feinted sleeping when my mum opened my room's door. Gosh! Close shave... phew~

And yeah.. the rest remains the same.

The biology exam today is... okay. i think.

2009-05-10T14:34:00.003+08:00

" Let's Talk About BALLS!!!"

Bwahahahahaha! Nah, this isn't by me. TS is so cute. i mean, the way he phrase is like... you know... yeah?.. yeah... haha.

Anyway, this is a topic in the Bowling forum. And when i had my eyes on these words, i was laughing my ass off. ah ah- i'm not thinking what you guys are thinking! i solemnly swear ._. *cross fingers* lol

Okay, chat with Ron and Mei yesterday. It's so ohmygosh how how how how how long since we've chat!? Miss them so much! haha. i can still remember last time, we had chat for a solid of 5 hours! Aww, that was so fun =3=

Left with 4 more subjects to go. i'm at a really really slow pace right now. So...

Happy Mama's Day, MAMA! :D

.. and bye bye!

2009-05-08T12:17:00.001+08:00

Didn't complete SS.

Ah, darn it.

Intensive studying ahead...

2009-05-07T13:01:00.002+08:00

i'm so so so disappointed with myself.

Chem paper 2 was hard. Really hard.i got stumped many times.

Chem paper 1 was okay.

{adding on}

Happy Third Anniversary, my friends!

i nearly forgot. haha

{added}

2009-05-06T14:39:00.002+08:00

Today... .... ....

right, what am i going to say again? urm... oh yeah, today's exam paper - EMaths.

Quite all right i thought. Just a little bit tricky here and there. Just stare at the question long enough and you'll get it. That's what i did. hah. And surprisingly, i didn't side-tracked to other random things this time.
You know, for this entire mid-year examinations, my mind has been wandering off to some other places many times. Short concentration span. lol. i know. That's the 'trade-off' between multi-tasking and concentration. Mine is er... a max. of 5 minutes unless something that intrigues me deeply.

Ahh... What it is that i wanted to say again.... wait, let me think....

oh, EMaths! haha. So apparently i finished the entire paper within an hour plus plus. Had 45 minutes to double check. i took my own sweet time to get things done and i was so bored till i doodle... nonono. i mean beautify my cancellation. Speaking of cancellation, i was annoyed. Annoyed at the fact that we have to surrender our correction fluid/ tape or whatever correction thingy. i was extremely EXTREMELY uneasy without it. And whenever i made a mistake, i'll do this big exaggerated circle movement with my hand, in search for my correction tape only to remember that it was "confiscated." buh.

uh huh. Okay, 2 more hours for SS before i jump back to Chem.

2009-05-05T20:32:00.003+08:00

{adding on}

To those who are in the same plight as me, this is for you guys (as well for me):

When you are on the verge of giving up, turn your head and look back at the path you have travelled so far.
Remember those times when you miraculously survive an ordeal. Recalled those pain you once suffered, those tears you once shed, those joy you once experienced... That was the journey you chose to take in the first place. Now, you have already reached the first half of your mountain.

After all those climbs, after those falls, after experiencing so much to reach here, are you telling me to get back to the bottom of my mountain? Don't kid with me... i'm not going back. I'M CLIMBING UP!

{added on}

Seriously.. this is too much.

i'm going to fail my mother tongue exam.

i'm panicking as my SS isn't done revising yet.

i've no confidence in my EMaths.

i've extremely stressed up.

Me and my fucked up life. Gawd.

i will still hold on. i keep on telling myself, "i have to survive this ordeal."
Definitely. i'm not backing down! SCREW YOU EXAMS!

2009-05-04T19:13:00.002+08:00

Bang.
Doom's day for me.

Everything is going wrong for me today._. let's see...

i couldn't understand what Mrs Loke revised with us about AM trigo. i'm going bonkers already. lol. Went "die lah die lah," when Mrs Loke explained it to me. No hope. Hopeless. Dead end! Argh.

Did nothing useful during mother tongue lesson in the library. For the whole 1 hour and five minutes, i've been contemplating what themes to study. Till now? i'm not done with my thinking yet. Great. Precious time wasted. Argh.

This one wasn't really that bad. After recess was SS. And everyone was 'locked' outside the classroom till the bell rang. Still, we couldn't see the auntie coming to unlock our classroom door. Then WR pushed the handle of the front door and the door swung open ._. thanks a lot. We waited outside for nothing.

Chem was... i felt bad since i had to leave at 1pm to make it in time for my higher mother tongue paper. So Jasmine asked me to pack up and i did. But i waited and waited but still Jas and hui didn't stand up. Nah nah, not their fault. Not Mrs Lam's fault either. Wait, let me continue. So i was there seated. My desk was empty. And i wasn't listening to Mrs Lam's lesson. it's kinda rude, don't you think? Argh.

blah blah blah. i went to Ngee Ann Secondary only to be stopped by the security guards to check thermometer. And because of some reasons, i didn't have my device with me. So i told them. And they straight HELL IGNORED ME! What the heck? So i stood at the table like some kind of dumbass doing nothing. i repeat, nothing. And they just happily skipped me and went on to the next person. Am i invisible for goodness sake!? Yeah, the human line ended sooner or later. So they had no choice but to give me their attention. i was outright pissed off lah.

Finally i had my temperature taken with their thermometer. And here's the next good news... 37.7 degrees Celsius. O.O i was like "Ohymgawd! i'm not having a fever or something!" The weather was hot! i ran here! And... i have a high metabolic rate? lol. They refused to let me in. And i started to panic. Like ohmygosh.. what about my exam paper? Spotted a face mask on the table. i grimaced at the thought of wearing it. No way hell man. No way...

Sat at the table for more than 15 minutes. Doodled on my notes (hahaha. sorry, i just have the itch when i see a pen and i'm bored!) Persuaded them to take my temperature again. 36.7 lol. Drastic change. haha.

Went to Multi-Purpose Hall for my exams. And here's another good one. My e-dictionary died on me. i thought my paper is gonna be a goner. Switched it on and off umpteen times but to no avail. i gave up eventually. But right before the exam begin, it went back to normal. Wow! Perfect~ lol

Oh well. gotta get back to my SS. Jaa ne!

2009-05-03T13:01:00.002+08:00

Geh. Total freaked out when i saw the time on my handphone.
12.30

i've slept for the first half of the day. Ah, what a nice way to start my day revising. lol.
Slept at 5 plus yesterday. i was actually planning to stay up all night- again. Yes. But then i remembered that my dad works morning shift. hurried to switch off all electrical appliances in my room before he wakes up. Phew~ i managed to get into bed when i heard a switch clicked from the opposite of my room.

couldn't really sleep actually. But hah! Who can't sleep when her body clock when longer than she could stand? Dozed off minutes later.

Tsk tsk. i'm not sleeping well. i had this dream... very ridiculous one. Like what!? i dreamt that my Higher Mother Tongue Exams have been postponed from tomorrow (4.6.2009) to this thursday (7.5.2009) ehh.. ._.''' and i still recalled myself and other HMTers shouting out loud in joy. LOL. hahaha. nutcases. oh well... guess i have to whip it up! Hasten my pace!

2009-05-03T00:44:00.003+08:00

hey peeps, good news for all. There's this great deal on my blog ._. what the heck. Great deal!?

Okay, let me rephrase my sentence. Let me teach you the trick for the irritating, annoying and again, maddening SEQ. hehe.

First, pick your theme. i don't care what you guys have choose. Just pick it. i'm not teaching you how to spot who got the jackpot or what. So just pick a theme you like.

Second, prepare a piece of paper and pen.

Third, flip through your notes. For those who don't have, flip through your textbook.

Fourth, spot. Look for things that have three or four reasons. For instance, impacts, consequences or even causes.

Fifth. Jot that down. Flip through all your chosen themes and write down those main topics with three of more sub-topics. Of course, be a little clever. Those topics which you doubt it's possible for them to come up since what you can write is just so little, cancel them off.

Like this, you have summarize what you have to learn. And just learn the topics you wrote. You don't have to go on learning definitions or whatever redundant-... okay, i won't say redundant (i'll get strangled by teachers), but not-so-important points. it really helps to cut down much information.

Hope that helps. i'll be cheering for all to get good grades in this subject :D

M.S.! My brother just said SEQ too, can come up with only two factors and ask you to compare them both. Argh... Hope that doesn't apply for this mid-year. If not, there's like so much more for me to memorise.

Oh by the way, i just read through my brother's PW done by other members in the group. The English is HAHAHAHAHAHA... oops? i know, i ain't that good myself. In fact, i suck even more. haha. But really, i can't see a JC standard there, not that there's really a 'JC standard' anyway. Anyway, one of the member submitted her part to my brother to check and so happen, i was by his side. Read it. The last part doesn't link to the question. No L5!

lol. Kinda think too much i guess.

2009-05-02T02:57:00.002+08:00

Oh my Gawd. What time is it now.. *check* OH MY GAWD. 3 plus in the morning. che.

i'm so gonna do this survey.. or sort of.

TEN ARE YOUS.

1. Are you single - no. i'm currently attached.
2. Are you happy - i'm bored
3. Are you bored - hell yes!
4. Are you fair - i'm dark-skinned. lol
5. Are you Italian - Hell no!
6. Are you intelligent - oh i am (: *get whacked*
7. Are you honest - Depends on situation.
8. Are you nice - i'm a down right jerk.
9. Are you Irish - nope.
10. Are you Asian - proud to be.

TEN FACTS
1. Full Name - Khoo Shi Hui
2. Nicknames - Hold it, let me check my list...
3. Birth place - urm urm urm... i forget?
4. Hair color - black
5. Natural hair style - wavy-straight.
6. Eye Color - brown
7. Birthday - 18 december 1993
8. Mood - apathetic
9. Favorite color - blue, purple, black
10. One place you'd like to visit - Japan

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
1. Have you ever been in love - yes
2. Do you believe in love at first sight - yes
3. Do you currently have a crush? - no
4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally - yes
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart - no
6. Have you ever had your heart broken - yes
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them - yes
8. Are you afraid of commitment - yes
9. Who was the last person you hugged - my books! hehs
10. Who was the last person you said I love you to? - i can't remember

TEN THIS OR THAT
1. Love or lust - love
2. Hard liquor or beer - hard liquor
3. Cats or dogs - dogs
4. A few best friends or any regular friends - a few best friends
5. Creamy or Crunchy - crunchy
6. Pencil or Pen - pen
7. Wild night out or romantic night in - romantic night in
8. Money or Happiness - money
9. Night or day - night
10. IM or phone - phone

TEN HAVE YOU EVER
1. Been caught sneaking out - no. i walked out openly.
2. Seen a polar bear - yes
3. Done something you regret - yes
4. Bungee jumped - hell no! That's crazy
5. Eaten food that fell on the floor - hehe. don't waste food mah.
6. Finished an entire jaw breaker- nah
7. Been caught naked - er... >.>
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back - be gone and never come back!
9. Cried because you lost a pet - i own no pets
10. Wanted to disappear - yes

TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER
1. Smile or eyes - eyes
2. Light or dark hair - dark
3. Hugs or kisses - hugs
4. Shorter or taller - taller
5. Intelligence or attraction - intelligence
6. Topman or Zara - Topman
7. Funny or serious - Funny
8. Older or Younger - older
9. Outgoing or quiet - Outgoing
10. Sweet or Bad - sweet

TEN HAVE YOUS
1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd - Many times
2. Ever talked on the phone for longer than an hour - obvious yes
3. Ever tried walking on your hands - handstand? i tried once.
4. Ever been to a rock concert - no
5. Ever been on a cheerleading team - er.. yeah. Worst mistake ever ._.
6. Ever been on a dance team - i'm from dance!
7. Ever been on a sports team - no
8. Ever been in a drama play/production - yes. once.
9. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley? - when i drive, people die. lol
10. Ever been in a rap video? - yes

TEN LASTS<=
1. Last phone call you made - Jen
2. Last person you hugged - i kinda forgot
3. Last person you hung out with - my family
4. Last time you worked - i'm finding i'm finding!
5. Last person you talked to - my bro
6. Last person you IM'd - i don't.
7 Last person you texted - kea hoa
8. Last person(s) you went to the movies with - SCARLET
9. Last person/thing you missed - my vampire novels
10. Last website visited - my blog! hehe

2009-05-01T22:42:00.002+08:00

Grrr. i loathe my... *stares down* sucky computer. Damn the graphic card. isn't able to withstand my so-called flashy graphics. Argh. Lousy!!

Seems like my computer memory is rich in nutrients. hehe.

Went to borders today. GAHHH! Tempted to buy all books. didn't managed to finish the book i was reading at novels in time today. it was such a good book! Humorous and slick. Okay, slick is an odd way to describe it but apparently it's the only one i could think of now. Vampires are smexy...

2009-04-30T16:50:00.003+08:00

{add on}

Adding on this post, i first want to slap myself for going off track. i should be studying. Instead, i went blog-hopping. Hopped here and there, reading posts by strangers i do not know. And there's one, where i don't even want to know. How am i suppose to achieve my goal by that date when everything is connected? i'm annoyed.

Procrastinating my Maths revision again. i am a widely known hell of a procrastinator. hah! Can't do anything about that, can you! *Smirking right now*

Just applied some cream on my hair scalp. What should i say... Relapse of illness? hah! i'm exaggerating only. My handphone's hopeless at the moment. Broken, unrepairable. Poor me. Have to wait till July to get a new one.
Right... what should i be actually doing now? ._. See you guys on Monday then.

{added}

Stage cleared!

Phew. Managed to clear sec 2 maths today. Man, i didn't know i forget so many formulas and topics. Feeling very very tired right now.

Last night, i was planning to study all night, all the way till dawn. But when it was 2 plus in the morning, my eyes couldn't take it anymore. But i continued revising though. Studied and practised till it was around three. And the next moment, i woke up on my bed. HAHAHAHA. i crawled into bed unknowingly. Creepy shit. But i remembered switching off the computer before snoozing. After that? My mind has blank out. hohoho. Too exhausted after geography exam, i conclude. Anyway, now i've got my body clock all mixed up again. Sheesh.

My chair broke. Time to go IKEA after the exams. *making a mental note* And yeah... i'm so going to the gym after the exams. i feel fat. hahaha. Need a complete good workout. Okay... Now to check my timetable.

Today - EM or SS
Tomorrow - SS, Chemistry and AM
Saturday - SS, Chemistry, AM or EM
Sunday - Repetition of previous dates' subjects
Monday - EM revision again and SS
Tuesday - EM and Chemistry

okay. Ready to go again! :D i'm so gonna enjoy myself after exam so for now, i'm striving!

2009-04-29T14:42:00.004+08:00

i have something to declare!

i've written my second worst composition in my entire life. yeah!

i think i wrote like a primary school kid. Oh well. Screwed up my speech too.

Geog was surprisingly tough and easy. i know, my words are contradicting. What can i say? Food was tough. Forest was easy. Aw, what a paper. i didn't forget any points :D Man, i sure did my homework. HAHAHA.

i want to nap. i'm tired. i've been like rushing geography all weekend. exhausted. But ah~ Since Jolene is trying her best there, i can't laze around can i? 4e1 promised to work hard together. i'll keep to that promise :D

i live to meet my own expectations. Not yours.

P.S. i am a self-proclaimed FORESTER.

2009-04-28T19:56:00.003+08:00

Oh gawd oh gawd. Today's like exciting yet not again.

To begin, i want to repeat what Mr Cho has said,

"Sey 就是 sey..." HAHAHA. like what the heck. And this is from me.
"Those who know me well, know me well." lol. what the!? i know i'm writing like i'm not writing at all.

Played badminton today during P.E. Gawd, even after it rained the air was still stagnant. Hot! Humid! Well, i continued playing anyway. haha. My left hand sorta cramp again ._. Too vigorous exercise. haha. Jen was hilarious once again with her style of playing.
Went to change after P.E. Argh. Sunny and humid weather. Crap shit. Global warming sucks totally. Here we are, 4e1 trying to conserve the environment and there they are, the painters and their noisy machine, releasing poisonous gas (i think). haha.

The last lesson was biology. It's a miracle dude! it rained! Wow! Torrential rain, man! With flashes of light and thunderous roar ever moment or so. So cool~ hah.

Went to the library to study after school. The first half period of time seemed like a chatting and joking session to me. lol. More talk but no work. HAHAHA. Yeah, managed to calm our hyped up selves later on. Oh gawd, i so remembered it. Jiji is such an evil person! hahaha. Well i'm much more cruel though, but you will learnt about it afterwards.

'Cause in the library, we sat on the first floor instead of the second one. And on the second floor, there's like a bunch of lower Secondary kids and three of my friends. Oh my gawd. It's so freaking hilarious at that time. HAHAHAHAHA. *ehem* okay, there's the lower sec kid that walked to the second floor 'pop-out base' (don't know how to describe it. hehs) and he placed both of his feet on to the railing before dropping down back to the floor again. Then, he walked away. So i was there, below staring at him, dumbfounded. i was thinking, "What in the world is he doing!?" HAHAHA. Narrated the scene to Jiji and hui. Gawd... our conversation was so funny!

Me: So he did this and then walked back.
Jiji and hui: *stared at me blankly*
Me: Like, how lame is he!?
Jiji: *looked up and saw the boy doing the same thing again*
Jiji: He's handicapped.
Me and hui: *silent* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Jeesh. Look at him! He's so bad!! Say people handicapped ._. Wah, bad sia. Hm, managed to study quite a lot during the library. Although i was, sometimes too involved with the conversations around me. Oh yeah! forgot to add. Jiji smuggled food into the library only to find the OM (Operation Manager) sitting opposite the table of us. hah! Unlucky dude :\

Went for Higher Mother Tongue after that. Ahahahaha~ Sabotage operation a success! hehehe. Actually today's Wei Chyi's birthday. So i sort of come up with a sabotaging plan for her. hehs. To make her carry more than 10 stacks of old newspaper WILLINGLY and UNKNOWINGLY! Hahaha. She carried it for the whole day. Oh gawd. Damn, am i not good in coming up with these kind of plans. hehe. It was very heavy. Very very very indeed. And she complained. But ah~ Since she thought it was her birthday present, she still has to carry it from school to Ngee Ann Secondary and then back to home. hehes. Ah, i feel so bad :D

Also, i thought i heard Ms Carol's voice while on the way back home. Like Oh my gosh! i was taken aback and i turned to look. But, nah... it was just my imagination. lol. i was practically surrounded by insects in the lift while on the way home. It's like grossing me out totally. Eew. Lucky for me, they were... er... unmoving. lol. what the hell . hahas

Tomorrow's my Geog and English paper. Wish me luck girls and dudeys! Before i go, one last thing.

Happy Birthday Wei Chyi! Sorry for the trouble of recycling MY old newspapers for me! hehe.

And also,

Get well soon, Brenda. We still have a plan to carry out :D

2009-04-27T17:39:00.004+08:00

kyaa! i made many many plans. Interesting ones. Oh gawd, looking forward to them. hehe- ow ow. my muscle ache is starting up again. My left hand is cramping! Argh, like all of a sudden. Eesh. Planning to study food development since i can't make it in time for uneven development.

My mind's in a blur right now. Information is currently swimming in my mind, floating around. i can't seem to get them settle down can i? :\

[edited]
i edited back what i've edited. lol. hehs.
[/edited]

2009-04-26T12:48:00.002+08:00

i wanna blog i wanna blog i wanna blog! But heck, i don't have anything to blog about ._.

Woke up early and went back to sleep again though i simply closed my eyes that's all. Managed to drag my butt off the bed eventually. huff. Tough work. hahaha.

Study studies first thing in the morning. Have to catch up to my schedule. 2 days for a topic, max. No negotiation. But apparently i was clicking my mouse, jumping from web to web yesterday. So there went my first day for physical geog. Today's the last day for it. Argh. My hands are full at the moment. Studies and work. Have to push aside my job for the moment since studies is the priority now. Crap, only have a week or less for the remaining chapter. Oh shit oh shit. i'm so not going to make it till the deadline. A couple more pages to go yet it's exam week next week! How the hell am i suppose to rush it done when there's this... mountain-piling information to be memorised? Shucks.

Ying is skipping Higher Mother Tongue next week. *Glares at her* You dare, you die i'm telling you. hahaha.
Sigh... i guess that's all. Man... studying sucks.

2009-04-25T21:45:00.003+08:00

i'm suspecting that my dad knows my blog url. And he's peeping into my stuff time to time. Oh my. i caught him once, reading my un-finished post. Damn. Should i change my url? Since this location of mine keeps secrets he never know. Hmm...

i'll see to it. hahaha.

2009-04-24T21:46:00.002+08:00

Muacks! Gawd, i'm loving myself more and more each second. hah. Survived the grueling NAPFA today. And i think, i hurt my knee. But.... Ahhh! i met my criteria :D

6 stations (inclusive of 2.4 run)
5 As and 1 B. Oh yeah, no 5 As for me! i am being disqualified for the don't-know-what-inter-house competition. Ning broke the inclined pull-ups record (: She was like chionging all the way. haha. Didn't really try to do my best after getting an A for a station. Like what for!? i may have offended someone by saying that. i'm sorry but i really thought so.

Apparently i'm expecting muscle aches again tomorrow so i need my super cream, Wintogeno! Never have heard or seen this brand of TV but i've been using it for years. A decade or less i guess. i can't live without its existence. LOL. hehs. i'm those kind of girl who bumps into almost everything and it's a normality for her to have bruises every day. Kah! i sound as if i'm some sort of clumsy girl. i'm not! i'm just... careless. hahahaha.

Bio mock SPA skill 3 was a goner. Totally gave up on it. Even with tips, i can't score. i suck in planning all right. Got back geog test. A total disappointment. And so is my Chemistry test. Sigh... My results are depressing D;

One tried to get away. One tried to be strong. The other, could only cry. i looked upon them silently as my tears began to trickle. Why? In the end, we are all the same. We cried once for the same thing. it's hard no matter what you do, what you try to do. You tried convincing yourself that he's nothing but you know it. You know you can't lie to yourself.
You tried forgetting about him but it is never possible. Even as time pass, memory is still there. Vague, but still remains near. Near to your heart.
You never want to see him again. But when destiny is brought in, you can't escape. You will meet him again like how you saw him the first time, coincidentally.
You tried to put to a stop to everything but you hesitated. Admit it, you can't do it yourself.
So why? Why are we torturing ourselves like this? Allowing our heart to feel the hurt of the bite. How i wish all emotions of ours could be erased. We are dumb. We are dumb enough to love faggots like you guys.

2009-04-23T19:51:00.003+08:00

i am so gonna kiss myself if i am able to survive the final test of the week tomorrow. The final battle. lol. We had three mock SPAs this week. Damn, it's killing me. When am i able to find time for my Geogy!

And i was able to climb four flights of stairs today! haha. Feeling a great sense of accomplishment. Come on, i had muscle ache all over my body. it's tough okay! uh. i'm proud of myself anyway.

Thursday is going to be over soon! i dread Thursdays. Always. Two maths. Two sciences. And now with this AM 'Integration' topic, i am... it has been confirmed... i'm so hell struggling to be alive. Drowning in process for short.

Today's English lesson was.. verysuperextremelyutterly sick. In fact, it's SICK to the extreme! haha. But well, i started it first. hehs. Shane and Yin and i were sharing jokes for the entire lesson. Lame ones, perverting ones. hah. And Shane still said "it was a good one." Gawd. i stared at him mouth agape. He just said that! Unable to apprehend? Well don't then! Talk to me and i'll explain.

Apparently, i have to make known this fact of us. haha. We were doing our Chem Mock SPA Skill 3 during the chem lesson and Ms Mak walked. She then inquired whether anyone is interested in the forensic science workshop or something. Many hands were raised. Everyone was went "like very interesting leh." Most of us were pretty enthusiastic about it. However when Ms Mak continued, "but you have to pay $7 plus..." HAHAHA. Every raised hands disappeared. All "vanishes into thin air." HAHAHA. We are practical teens. Money involved? A definite NO for us. All hands went down when she said we have to pay. Oh gawd.

Oh by the way, Sae yeoh's bottle was busted open by the wall fan. Sock Min threw it in the air then *Bwam* The bottle smacked into the rotating fan blade and the whole bottle cap split into two! And that bottle was those Nike bottle kind. Not those soft drink bottles. The whole bottle was busted open please! And water was like spurting everywhere. hehs.

We indeed, live up to the name of Class of Destruction. For four consecutive years, that title was ours and i'm proud of it.
HAHAHA...

2009-04-22T16:02:00.002+08:00

School was pretty much fun today. With the exception of going up and down the stairs. My legs were throbbing in pain every time i did that! Lactic acid? Yeah right...

Mrs Tjan gave us this quiz today. To find out what type of learner we are. And there's one question which questions our reaction when we are being angered. One of the choices is to scowl.
Then Gladys went, "Cher. What is scowl?" Mrs Tjan told Man Fung to demonstrate but he didn't actually do it. So the class was shouting "Mrs Tjan. You do lah."

HAHAHAHA. Gawd. It was so hilarious when Mrs Tjan did it! She made this "Aow.." sound which pretty much sounded like a cat. Everyone was freaking laughing their heads off when she did that. hahas. i see another side of her. hehs. It was funny! Awfully.

AM test was okay i guess. Didn't know what in the world am i writing in the first place. So... yeah. Recess, Biology, Chemistry.

Hell! i had this sense of satisfaction after chem lesson. i managed to survive the entire one hour five minutes lesson of chemistry! Damn, am i not good :D Really tired after that. i could just plop my head onto the table and be asleep in three minutes. Long long day~

2009-04-21T19:20:00.004+08:00

Ran for 2.4km today. i think i remembered the reason why i loathe running now. it was 3 rounds around the school. And when i finished the second round, my legs were already feeling heavy. i was stumbling throughout the third round. Man, it was tough. My mind was filled with thoughts that have this word, "STOP" involved. Ah, but through some sadist methods i came up along the way, i managed to finished this seemed-never-ending run. Didn't stop. 12 mins plus. lol. The weird thing about this whole run is that, i didn't feel any pain from my hip injury while running. Okay, maybe the pain was postponed because my knees and hip was hurting like hell after the run. i practically lamed back to class.

Physics test was a total disaster. Everyone was cheating openly, again. hah. Full marks full marks! lol. Oh, forgot to mention this. There was this bee-attack again yesterday! First time in sec4 life, three... four *counting*. Oh nevermind, several times during sec 3 life. haha. Really grateful to 3e2 of 08 for warning us so many times. Gee, thanks a lot neighbours!

Right. Went for Higher Mother Tongue after school. Car-ed home in Wei chyi's parents' car. i'm telling you the journey was so much of a laughter!

There are 4 peeps sitting at the back seat. Jasmine, Hui, me and Wei Chyi. So it's kinda squeezy and all. i really mean ALL of our thighs are together and in touched with one another. (okay guys, don't go horny. i mean our thighs are, in a way, "link.") So there's one time whereby my handphone rang. It vibrated and it was in my pocket. So Wei Chyi was feeling the vibration and it really tickled her thigh. So we were giggling and laughing as i tried to pull the phone out of my pocket. haha. It was so ticklish you see! Then, a few moments later, Jasmine's handphone vibrated. And it became Hui's turn to feel the tickle. hahas.
And you know whenever you laugh, your entire body will too, shake? Strangely enough, Hui was laughing and giggling at almost every single minute. And i, being the victim to sit beside her, was forced to laugh along. Because of the shaking of her body. lol. hahs. but it was fun ;D Thanks Wei Chyi for the ride!

Oh.

Congratz GuZheng for getting GOLD in their SYF! At least you guys maintained it (:

i can't for July to arrive. There's so much things to be done. What can i say?
A concluding end. A new beginning.
The events are about to unfold themselves in July...

2009-04-20T16:51:00.004+08:00

This morning was kind of stuffy. But it rained later in the day. So, oh well. Hope there goes the bad weather. Be gone... And never come back.

Was pretty pumped up today. i don't know why. i was going crazy early in the morning with Jen, Brenda and Shane. Jen and i were taking any and every opportunity to enjoy the breeze. And once, we felt a breeze and Jen went "Oooh! i feel a breeze." And she raised both of her arms in a way that it looks like surfing. hahas. Gawd, and Shane, notwithstanding, talked sick again. huh. As always. Expected. lol.

AM was the first period of the day. Crap it. 'Integration' i've long forgot how to tackle those questions even when Mrs Loke went through them. My thoughts was as if hanging in mid-air and they can't just settle down you see. And i kept on doing Differentiation rather than the former. Oh man, i'm beginning to worry about my AM's future. haha.

Didn't have Physics test today. So much for the crazy mugging i had yesterday. Nevermind. Tomorrow it shall be. Bio Mock SPA is tomorrow too. Bleag...

Students from Choir SYF came back to class crying. Well, the crying were mostly done by Wan Lei and Wan Rong. The same. The reason they cried were partially the same as us. Stepping down. juniors. Can't bear to leave. Gawd, i was comforting Wan Rong at first. Then, i ran back to my seat and tied them up. i nearly cried again. hahas. Tied my tear glands up. Save them for July, or so Jen said. lol.

Currently studying for Bio Mock SPA now. i'm feeling sorta annoyed right now. Like argh!! Why do they have to use those nice nice words. Why can't they say egestion as shit? Why must they have this... so-called 'more class' name called Vas Deferens when one could actually just say sperm duct? hah. Bio's divided into two categories. 'Classy' and 'Vulgar' ._.

i've realized that i'm so far behind. i need to buck up.

Shoo. get lost. i don't need you and your problems to add on to my troubles.

2009-04-19T21:04:00.004+08:00

i am so hyped up right now? Oh gawd. How i wish that month would come fast. hah. i am feeling so excited. hehs. i'll be waiting so-not-patiently (:

Apparently i'm seated by the window (duh) and something happened miraculously. i feel a breeze! Do you actually know how intense the heat these few days? i felt as if i could melt if not for the greatest invention in the world - the fan. For goodness sake! The sun is just so freaking scorching and i didn't want to even step outside my room. Whats more my house.
At least my room is a little better. it's a few degrees lower than other parts of the house. You know, i could simply take a step out of my room into the living room and Wham! There will be this sudden heat wave slamming right at my face. it's something like walking into a sauna... Okay, i'm exaggerating but it's somewhere near there.

And the... i failed. bleah. i'm STILL currently studying about tests. Reason behind it? Well... i was... hehe... being hooked up by animes and videos and manga. Man, my concentration sucks. i'm beginning to worry about my Mid Year. Aw shucks. Argh. All the best to tomorrow's SYF participants. You can do it, guys! Ganbatte!

June, i want to close the curtains. i guess it still hurts a little.
But i couldn't care less. Right now, all i want is a clean break.
Let's stop the path connecting you and me from extending.
Let my pain prolong no more.
i would not step into that world again. Till fate twists me in.
Till then

2009-04-18T12:53:00.003+08:00

Today, i woke up and went to surf the net right after breakfast. Then, i realized, how dumb i am. i was tricked by some stupid test. Crap shit.

i planned to jog around the field early in the morning today! But when i woke, the clock shows "11.34" i stood near my window. Damn, the heat is intense. So i gave up on the idea of jogging. i'm currently studying my physics but nothing is going in my head. Aw shucks. This sucks man.

i'm going to have all tests information in my head by today! Tomorrow, i'll be studying for Mid Year.

Jia you!

i kept on telling myself. i don't need you. You existence to me is a mere zero.
i can live without you. i am, going to forget all about you. Goodbye to all your photos and memories.

2009-04-17T18:58:00.004+08:00

Went out with SCARLET girls today. Ohmygosh? It was like so last minute. hahas. Went to watch '17 again'. Super funny show. The whole cinema was echoed with laughter. hehs.

Oh and before that, we had a dance meeting after school at the dance studio. Ms Yap said we still have ONE MORE performance before our stepping down. Okay... uh.

i was actually quite happy and depressed upon learning the news (which was like weeks ago?) i mean, i'm still not ready to leave the stage as it is. i'm still not ready to leave the juniors, letting them dancing on their own. i'm SO not ready. So i feel relieved that at least there's one more performance for me. At least one more.

Though sometimes i wished, there will be 'Ballet Under the Stars', SYF showcase and the performances will be never-ending like two years back. Why is that this year all performances disappeared into thin air? Recession uh? No budget to set up stage? hahas. Yeah, and that's the reason why i sort of felt pretty disappointed. One performance left only!

And gawd, Poh ching cried today! Ahh... We will not gone be forever. okay okay.
Repeat after me: (lol)
"Seniors will not be gone forever. We will come back to visit. AND, we are not dead."
So don't cry! hahas. i will miss you juniors and other dancers so much. But we still have some time till July! So let's cherish the remaining times (:

Now don't go around and create this crying competition, see who can flood the bedok reservoir banks first. hahas. After that, the pool of water you guys clean up arh! hehs.

2009-04-16T18:53:00.002+08:00

we got silver.

somehow, this information can't get absorbed into my head.

hahas. and leonard says i'm a cheat. that i leave so many spacings after each sentence. LOL. what!? And by the way, the dialogue session was very meaningful. The Caucasian said many good points. And when the announcer said the word "Damai Secondary School," my whole body tensed up. Tears was already threatening to spill. i clenched on to brenda's hand tightly and so did she, on to mine.

We knew about the results and on the way back to school, i was tired. Really really tired. This week, is a very long week. And this week is going to end. i want to dedicate something to the seniors but next post, can i? i'm studying my bio right now. hehs.

2009-04-15T21:24:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow's the results. And i really have something to say to all SYF dancers. Thank you... Really really thank you. For participating this last SYF with me. Thanks for accompanying me throughout the whole journey. Thank you for everything.... i'm really really happy that you guys danced with me on the same stage.

It's been more than 3 months since we are together now. Our joy, our tears, our hard work, i'll remember it all. Every minute, every second, every memory... it will be in my mind.

On that day, that SYF date. When we were dancing on the stage, during the last mass dance, i really thought that it was the best performance of my entire secondary life. it was the first ever performance that made me cry. And i really thank you, for dancing along my side, juniors and seniors. Really... Regardless of the mistakes or wrong timing, it was the best performance i ever had. And i'm grateful to all Damai SYF dancers out that for making it the best performance of my secondary life.

Though i still can't accept the fact that everything's just over so fast. After the 6mins, all was over. i'm sorry if i'm a bad senior to you guys. i'm sorry if i ever once shouted at you.

To Leonard:
You are not a bad leader. Neither are you worse. i really thank you. Your optimism never fails to bring smiles and laughter to us dancers. You make everyone feels that there's still something good to look forward to. Your jokes, cold ones, brought shivers to our bodies. haha. But thank you. really really thank you for everything you have done. i can't remember what you did but it seemed to me that you did a lot. You make us enjoy every practice by being funny sometimes. really, thank you. Leonard, Vice chairman of Damai Dancers 2009 (:

To Amanda:
You have the poise for being a chairman and i have to say, you are really great in your job. You scold when necessary but joke whenever you could. You comfort people when you yourself nearly burst into tears. You are strong. A good chairman you are. thank you. For all your hard work and effort. You overlooked our practice even though you are sick. You tried your best in almost all aspects. Thank you. Thank you. Really a big thank you from me to you. Amanda, Chairman of Damai Dancers 2009 :)

To Juniors:
Oh how many times have i disturb you guys? haha. you guys make all past SYF practices very lively. You juniors are active and always seem full of energy. Sometimes, you juniors choose to practice even during break times. You guys remind me of my younger self. hehs. Weird i know.
Sec 3s, don't be so listless. You guys are going to be heading the dance club next year. Must dare to show and dance. Must be able to zi High to lead the rest of the juniors. Your performance and energy is going to affect the rest of the juniors. So jia you! You sec 3s can do it because i've seen how you get crazy and laugh.
Sec 2s, you juniors are very energetic. That's good. Continue to be that way in the future all right? You juniors have quite a self-discipline. (i say, quite here since there are times where you guys will get so crazy and be out of control) haha. it's really fun dancing with you juniors. Strive for the best okay? There's still a next SYF for you juniors.

All juniors, thanks for dancing by my side. All seniors, thanks for dancing by my side too. You know, there is one time when i had this stupid thought. "When did dancing become so tiresome? Will it be better for me to stop?"

But you guys, you dancers, showed me the answer i've been looking for. After the mass dance, i know i really can't stop dancing. It has become an extremely large proportion of my life. Thank you for everything. Thank you, for making SYF 2009 my best ever performance in my Secondary life...

Kudos to everyone out there. To all dancers that once shared my joy and tears, my 2009 SFY ended beautifully.
i, thank you.

2009-04-15T16:39:00.003+08:00

i cried during recess today. Gawd.

Saw some juniors during recess and they look so not okay. Okay, some did. Just a few.

Have many things to catch up upon. Every thing is speeding up. Mid year exams are coming.

i feel lifeless. i can't even project my voice out loud now. Everything is so meaningless, to me. Jen managed to make me laugh during chem as usual. So did Dong and Lun. i know i can't go on like this. Ganbatte! Se-chan! Omae ni naraba, zettai dekiru!

2009-04-14T20:52:00.002+08:00

SYF is over.

i cried.

it was my ever last SYF as a Damaiian.

i cried. i cried really hard. That's all to it.. Ask no more.

To juniors:
i won't ask you not to cry since i myself did. If you make mistakes, don't self-reproach. It's okay. We won't blame you. Did you enjoy the whole dance? it will be good to hear if you did. Because i did too. We have been practising hard, having bruises or blisters every time after practice. So it's really okay. Really. We have tried our best. You, have tried your best. And that's the most important part of all.
Every performance is an immersion of oneself into the music. it simply means, heart and passion first, skills and techniques second. Remember the times where you just keep on dancing and dancing, smiling like an idiot, as if dancing is the best thing in the world? That's the passion. Never let that flame die down, all right?

To seniors(09):
Hey. it's our ever last SYF, i know. we had extreme fun during the performance, didn't we? And now, it's over. Just in a flash. Today seemed so long. i could barely remember the time when i was running in the hall, warming up. it's been 4 years in dance for some, 2 years for others. Long time uh. We really had sweet sweet happy memories. In dance, we perspired, laughed, cried together. All of all these, we experienced it as a whole. It's the last SYF we could participate as a Damai dancer. And... i'm just glad we enjoyed the whole process.

2009-04-13T20:20:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow's the day. tomorrow's SYF.

i still can't feel the music.

but i'm going to try. Even if, i have to take step by step. Bit by bit, even if the time taken up add up to a whole. Step by step. Like a total beginner i was ago. "LAST," that's what Louis said. Yeah.. last. As a damaiian. Performing for Damai secondary. It's the last. no more second chance. No more...

Oh, before i forget.
Happy belated birthday Darwis.
And
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DEAR!

2009-04-12T21:38:00.002+08:00

Have you ever been in a situation whereby you tried to rush everything by the deadline, to meet your schedule but after all those troubles, you ended up with a huge mess with nothing completed? And you get extremely pissed with yourself? Keep on wondering why isn't that finished when you actually tried to do it and somehow, by the means of a miracle, it's still undone? Did you? well i did. It happened today.

i've been rushing through many many things today. Bio, chem.. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. i thought bit by bit, by the end of the day, i'll be done with everything. But no, what i'm left with is a huge mess of jumbled up information. SYF. Tests. i've trying so hard to juggle them both. It's tough. Hell. It's tough it's tough IT'S TOUGH! oh my god, i can't stand it.

It's okay... Just let me... wait. Hold on. Just a minute. No worries, i'm just-....

i'm all right. Too much things happened this week and i need time to process. It's just too much sometimes, you know? Somehow when there's too much burdens for you to carry, you get pressed down onto the ground. You get crushed. You get it? And whenever you get up, it gets tougher, gets heavier. And sometimes you just wished you didn't stand up. i-....

Gawd. i shouldn't be crying at a time like this.

2009-04-12T08:13:00.003+08:00

Gawd. i was dreaming and started laughing when i woke up and realized, i was laughing in my dream ._. haha. Hilarious dream i have there. oh my god, the tennis ball just went straight onto Mr (Jake) Tan's head! And he's giving the blank face! HAHAHA.
And and and! Mr Ho's style of tennis is like cho omoshiroii. He whacked the ball and then just stood there. After two seconds or so, he then sidestepped. what the!?
Still, Mr Tan (HOD) is doing all those weird stretches and he was lying across the field. hahaha. It's like i'm imagining our school's teachers to do something weird. Oh right. And when the tennis ball hit Mr Tan's head, Jen and i (i don't know! Jen was there!) were rolling on the ground, laughing too hard. Then, i woke up.

hahas. Weird dream i know. Weird yet funny :D Shall start my chem now!

{edit}
gawd. i earned myself a blood gushing eye. great for me. yay! Damn crap. Is anything going to get better for me? for this week? uh? uh? i feel as if i've been stepping on dog poo for days! For this ENTIRE WEEK! from emotional to physical. How better than can it become!? For that whole.... the whole... the whole freaking week, i've getting nothing but unlucky... luck. Freak hell. Hope things turn from the better tomorrow onwards.
{edit done.}

2009-04-11T16:19:00.002+08:00

i'm better! but my shoulders and neck is still sore. Crap it.

Oh well, at least i can sit, talk and walk now. i was sleeping like three-quarter of the day yesterday? Yes! i'm feeling better. And... did i just type it out just now? lol. As you can see, my mind is still at a 5 rad per second processing rate. lol.

Suddenly felt so guilty when hui told me that. i mean... it was suppose to be a good intention of ours but it seems that we caused more troubles than surprises *sobs* sorry!! And i still insisted on the idea. Gosh, i AM guilty... Sorry sorry sorry. i'm so sorry!

2009-04-10T13:14:00.002+08:00

Sigh... i was actually planning to go out with SCARLET today. But when i woke up around 8 in the morning, i feel so weak and feverish. i was so dizzy when i stood up that i could collapsed any moment. Sigh... went to message them, telling them that today's outing is cancelled.

My body's sore all over now. Down with fever. Crap shit. SYF is only 4 days away and now i'm down with fever. Man, i am worried. Everything is processing through my brain so slowly that i can't even understand what my mother is talking about. She was saying something about breads and i just sat on my chair staring at her blankly, like she's speaking some other alien language that i can't understand.

Argh, my head is heavy.. Signing off now.

2009-04-09T16:42:00.002+08:00

Study bio right now. kind of.. distracted right now. haha. i can't never do things right :\ i'm always half-hearted when doing things or studying. Sheesh. All right! i've decided. i'll write some encouragement to myself and some other friends out there. Jasmine, yin, hui, Jen, ying? Read on will ya? hehs.

若要弃权，请回想一下。当初，你是怎么走到这里的。过了多少年，费劲了多少心血，哭了多少泪，你才站到这里的。或许是因为坚持再坚持，所以真的累了，快崩溃了。受不了，因此要放弃。。。但你心里却知道这条路还要继续走的，不是吗?

There are times when i wanted to give up. There are times when i really wonder why problems come to me? There are times, when i hesitate to believe. The journey is arduous, i know. It's exhausting, i know. But have you ever stop to think why you have come so far just to give up? Deeming your past efforts worthless?
Sometimes, i really did wished to just forget about everything and care nothing. i really did. Problems that surfaced are too complicated. The pressure on me is intensifying. And the fear that my trust will be betrayed is just too great. Too many things happened at the same time. Too many troubles, too many problems... i wanted to escape. i felt the need to shut me from the outside world and flee into a void. i couldn't take it.

i bawled. i screamed. i was in agony. Emotions that has been building up within me for weeks finally stumbled out. But they were there. My friends. They cheered me up even though i could barely managed a smile. They had me laughing, had me smiling. And i thank them for that.

Don't be afraid to cry. Also, if you can't put enough faith into yourself, then please please. Please believe that those people around you believe in you. Just believe in them, that will be sufficient.

Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people to trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too - even when you're in the dark, even when you're falling.
--- mitch albom

2009-04-08T19:22:00.004+08:00

i've many many things to blog today.

Geog test, at last it's over! Giving me a lot of stress >.> i didn't really took time to study though. lol. After the test i was super relaxed and relieved. My good friend came! See how geog test stressed me out now? hehs. Oh, and when Mrs Tjan came into the class i told Yin that i don't know what countries are counted as SEA countries, loudly. Then Mrs Tjan turned and laughed at me! ._. aww shuck.

daa dee dum and it was CME time. Mr liao (spelled correctly?), our VP came to our class. That's what they normally do to graduating classes anyway. The session was said to be the dialogue session but from my point of view, it's a he-talk-we-shut-up session ._.
Also, our dear VP shown us the "power of the subconscious mind." Wow! Fascinating! lol. Here's the speech

VP: All right, now i want you to look at this *takes out a string with a small weight tied to the end, like a hypnosis instrument*
Me, mumbling to Jen: What? Self hypnosis? *nudge Jen and posing* i have a nice body! i have a nice body! (inside joke)
VP: Okay, i'm going to use my subconscious mind to move this weight from my left to right. and i will also use my subconscious mind to stop it.
VP: *stares intently at it*
4e1: *stares at it too*
*weight started moving*
4e1: ._. ''' *use coughs to cover laughter* *muffled giggling*
*weight stops*
VP: Of course. i myself practised it many times...

hahas. It's so freaking hilarious, please. i mean, yeah, the weight did move. But so does his hand, though in a slightest notion. Just slightly and if you don't pay attention to his hand, you will think what he said is true! HAHAHAHA. urm... we are not called 4e1 for nothing, hello? hehs, joking joking. No offences to other classes.
And Jen said this really really bad thing. "Does he think we are stupid or dumb?" oh my. Yes i know, it's rude. i'm sorry, but i'm so agreeing with her statement. hehs. ;D To add on, she said this was more of a counseling session to her. hahas.

yeah and there's did paper where we wrote our views on what should be improve and. hahas. Yupp, AND Jen did it again. She wrote, "Can the music played during silent reading be changed? It's annoying." And the whole class burst into laughter. HAHAHA

Went to dance later on. Crap shit! i'm pissed! This boy should be position right in front of the middle cross and when i told him that, he just tsked me. Fucker. Like i care even if you are my junior. And fuck, he doesn't even take care of his dance partner! Gay ass freak. If anyone want to ask me about the details, chat with me through msn anytime. i'm happy to tell you everything. Oh and by the way, i'm offline-ded. So just talk and i'll reply you (:

Headed home after dance. lol. A very funny thing happened while i was walking back home. And to add, i'm still fuming about the incident that happened in dance while going home. The situation, goes like this.

Me: *Giving a 不爽 face, walking along a corridor*
Then at the end of the corridor, there's three boys smoking. Boy A, boy B and Boy C. Boy A was teaching Boy B to smoke.
Boy B: *see me coming* 不要啦，有人在。
Boy A: *took a smoke* 不用怕啦，她不会讲的。
Boy C: *look at me then look outside the corridor, carrying on smoking*
Boy B: *looks at me then turns away, as if afraid that i'll remember his face*
Me: *Face still very black, still continue to walk, staring at the boys*
Boy A: *Took another smoke and stares at me*
Me: *Stare back*
Boy A: *Continues to stare*
Me: *glare back*

Then i reached the stairs and turned my head away, going up the stairs. hohoho. Like i'm scared of them staring at me ._. i'm in a mode that can't be challenged that's all. Stare at me, i'll stare back, definitely! Yah, but sorry. Not in mode to stop them though, (i won't even if i can). lol. Oh well, that's all of my day. And oh yes, there isn't HMT tomorrow. Saikyo!

2009-04-07T20:32:00.003+08:00

who could predict that
i was left in a situation like this
Each caress by the wind
tore through my heart
The cold aaround my body
pierced through me at every opportunity

i crouched down, hands on my knees
couldn't help but wonder why it was me
i thought i could believe in you
But it was all my stupidity
i shouldn't have trusted you
no, i shouldn't...

you held my heart
you stabbed me hard
It is bleeding deeply
you pulled me in
you left me alone
i can't be in that world without crying

2009-04-06T18:54:00.003+08:00

Fuck.

Guess i'll scold some bloody assholes and apologize to peeps today.

Sorry louis. Brenda and Jen too. Kinda ignored you guys today after dance. i'm sorry about that. It's not PMS this. Yes, sadly. Sorry that i didn't reply to you guys while walking. i didn't feel like talking at that moment. i know i know. i shouldn't be like this even though i don't feel like talking. i'm sorry. And also, thanks. The jokes and words you guys shared on the way managed to lighten my mood. Even though, by just a little. But thanks a lot anyway. It means a lot to me (: Thank you.

Now, with my apologies done. i'm flaring all out... Trust me, i'll be nasty. So skip it if you want to.

{To some mother fucker in the school}
Hey sucker... Or should i be saying bloody asshole!? You don't fucking deserve her with your fucked up attitude. Find someone else and follow her butt wagging, dumbass. You don't even give a damn shit about her feelings so why not let her go, bastard? Too embarrassed to let your friends learn about it,uh? You pansy... Nothing but a gay ass freak. Son of a bitch. To the hell with your puppy face. How fucking old are you, dritt? Aren't you ashamed of yourself because you are still trying to get other people to pity you. You pathetic boy.
Let me tell you in your fucking face, you worth crap! Damn, you are right! You know, the time when you are tortured, tormented by some kind of sick emotions, i'll be there. Laughing right in front of your face, you bloody son of a bitch. You gutless pansy. Let your flesh and skin be shredded by dogs or better, the wild. How i wish you could experience the pleasure of excruciating agony and pain. Fuck off and fuck you!

{To some unknown guy out there}
Damn hell. i didn't know it! i didn't know the whole freak hell of it! Is that what you give to all the girls? Damn you asshole. Oh yeah, right. i am angry. Extremely. Till the part where i could slap you right in the face, idiot. i felt betrayed. i give up. Look, do whatever you want all right? Doesn't concern the hell out of me. You took it away. YOU TOOK THE FUCKING HELL THING AWAY FROM ME! What am i going to do? i thought i could stop but i couldn't. Shit you. No longer am i trusting guys. Fuck, you destroyed everything. You pushed me into this freaking mess. So tell me, what the freaking world am i supposed to do!? Fuck. Do you know how much i've given up? Fuck. And all of it isn't working out. It isn't worth it at all. i've learnt what she felt. And i can't freaking believe it, asshole. She felt what i felt! Same situation except she got the advantage. Fuck. i can't believe you make it feel like this. Damn you! Fucking shit. To the hell with your fucking memories.

- read what i just typed out - er.. okay. Damn it, can't i just flare that asshole's name out? i'm so going to make him suffer... Fucking asshole, boys are.

2009-04-05T18:33:00.002+08:00

1. The person who tagged you
Wilson aka hentai jiji

2. Your relationship with him/her is
no relationship. he's a eroji.

3. Your 5 impressions of him/her
Hentai. pervert. hentai. pervert. hentai.

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you
HE CALLED ME BABA!!

5. The most memorable thing he/she had said to you
again, HE CALLED ME BABA!

6. If he/she becomes your lover you will
jump down the building and die.

7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be
switching off his horny button.

8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will
laugh evilly. He doesn't know who in the world is he facing.

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be
i kick him in the ass. hehs

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now
KICK HIS ASS!

11. Your overall impression of him/her is
he suck! hahas. just joking.

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?
uh. crazy. unpredictable. serious mood swings problem. crazy. weird laughter. crazy. unglam. crazy. yeah... that's about it. lol

13. The characters you love of yourself are
i love myself x3

14.On the contrary, the characters that you hate about yourself
Getting too crazy.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is
******

16. For people who care and love you, say something to them
you guys meant a lot to me. thanks for everything you have done -90 degrees' bow-

17. Pass this test to 10 persons who you wished to know how they feel about you.
1. Wen hui, hui
2. Marion, 姐妹
3. Xue yi, Kgirl
4. Stephani, stephi
5. Angela, 小妹
6. dardar
7. Wei Chyi, green demon
8. Gladys, the slimming one
9. Jolene, 猪林
10. Sae Yeoh, 大 yeoh

18. Who is no. 6?
my precious :D

19. Is no. 9 a male or female?
Female

20. If no. 7 and no.10 are together, is that a good thing?
They can make great friends :D

21. What is no. 2 studying about?
Same subjects as me

22. When is the last time you had a chat with no. 3?
last.. friday?

23.What kind of music band does no. 8 like?
pop?

24. Does no. 1 have any siblings?
Nope. she's the 'soler'

25. Will you woo no. 3?
i guess so. But most likely the result will be a glare or a scolding. hahas

26. How about no. 7?
She's 'taken'. hahas

27. Is no. 4 single?
Yupp.

28. What is the surname of no.5?
Tay

29. What is the hobby of no. 10?
She's sporty. damn sporty!

30. Does no. 5 and 9 get along well?
they don't know each other D:

31. Where is no. 2 studying at?
Damai secondary.

32. Talk something casually about no. 1.
She is hilarious.

33 Have you tried developing feelings for no. 6?
Yupp. We are so in love now though too busy with our stuffs.

34. Where does no. 9 live at?
Shanghai

35. What colours do no.4 like?
This, i do not know.

36. Are no. 5 and 1 best friends?
they are strangers.

37. Is no. 7 the sexiest person in the world?
All my friends are sexy x3

38. What is no. 6 doing now?
Audiing or maybe flirting around. Always like this. but i have absolute faith is no. 6 :D

2009-04-05T15:23:00.002+08:00

Mwahahaha. i'm done with my project! Oh yeah~ oh yeah~ like at last! Gee. The sense of satisfaction... Oh, forget it. hehs. More pictures than words makes a person's job easier. i'm so loving that chapter. i finished it within an hour - look at the clock - or so.

having difficulty focusing on geog now. Sigh... i'm feeling so relax. Don't even want to study ._. crap crap crap. Dame yo, se chan. Argh... i can't concentrate.

Jen's book overdue. All because of me D; i'll pay, i promise. No fret, don't sweat. lol ._. Oh right. i reported sick yesterday. Didn't go for the talk. *ehem* yeah... So i guess that's all for that's all.

Jaa!

2009-04-04T20:32:00.002+08:00

- bang -

AHAHAHA! i just killed an ant! lol. Sadistic indeed ._. Struggling to keep my focus right now. i'm torn between geog and anime. Sheesh. i can't do well if this continues.

lol. My project may be over in a few weeks/ months time. No update scans, no progress. Sigh... It's hard to part. haha. After spending 5 to 6 months together. lol. Wedding may be my next. i don't know. Have to ask ka-chan for the details. Everyone's extemely busy. ka-chan herself is juggling more than three projects here. For me? i have only one and i'm struggling to be alive. hahs. Can't be help. i have school and CCA to juggle with :\

Saku-chan is fast in her job. A few days and she's done with the chapter ._. Hell. i took more than a week each. Ahh!! Don't rush me, saku-chan. You're going too fast. hehs. Thinking about taking up a future project >.> They have yet to reply though. It looks... interesting (: The summary caught my attention. Millionaire~ Sounds cool uh.

Glad my job to release is over. haha. it's a little late to speak about it though. It happened in early march. i was out the whole freaking afternoon and i snugged my pillows right after i came home. Exhausted. Too tired to even move. i laid on my bed with my eyes closed, allowing my thoughts to swarm. It was 11pm plus. Then i realized i forgot to put on the release. Ahh, it took every ounce of my energy to get out of my bed. Nearly didn't make it in time. hoh! i rushed all the way through. All websites and forum.. then done. The hand nearly struck twelve. A race against time. lol~! hahas. Another year more i have to be part of the job again. Sigh... Maybe i'll stay with them till Uni? Just thinking. If i'm able to cope both sides well then.

2009-04-03T21:54:00.002+08:00

Blog hopped to other peeps 's blogs till i saw keith's post. Mr Chua has left damai. It was like such a sudden!? i can't believe it. Such a sudden... i can't.

A D&T teacher that taught me for 2 years. He gave me this nicky - sketch. lol. Who in this world will know why. haha. He shouted at me and said that i had to serve detention. i was secondary one at that time and i was a chatty. So my heart was thumping real fast and loud when he demanded that i stayed back after school. i was thinking "oh crap. Not even one year in school and i'm getting my first ever detention." i was extremely scared and i was totally silent for the rest of his lesson. Then, after all those coursework e1 had done during lesson, he told me he's just joking._.
i could cried the shit out, man! He scared the hell out of me please! lol. And he's really really humorous a teacher. And i was always the one being sabo-ed by him.

There's a time when i said something like this. "The stupidest person is the first person that walks in front." And the dismissal bell rang. So everyone was looking at me, not wanting to go out. HAHA. i remembered that part so much!! Then Jasper, being the kiasu guy, he ran out of the front door of the workshop. It was recess time by the way. Then i walked out and Mr Chua laughed at me. "Sketch, you are the stupidest person." i stared at him blankly, not understanding his words. He then pointed at Jasper who somehow, went back into the workshop. *curses* My face was like this (._.) lol. Grr, he got me.

His coursework is fun. Always is. So are his lessons. Except for times when he forced us to draw 30 different types of 3D rectangles. woah... Exhausting, i recalled. haha. i was complaining. Most people were too. Oh right. And the way he introduced new D&T machines or tools? Interesting.

Once, he took a cross-hatched filer (i forgot what's the name) and he went around scratching people's palms. haha. But it didn't hurt. He used it in a way that the filer can't even file things properly. Oh right. He's really insane or weird. He could talk to us halfway and suddenly a smash on the D&T table with a hammer ._. hahas. Scared the shit of some people. yes, include me inside. i jumped in shock sometimes. He once held something sharp. Was it a saw? nono... i forgot what it was but it was something sharp used to cut things. He tested student's guts and reflexes. One moment he's talking normally and in another, he would fake a throw of the object at you. haha. That's why i say, he's interesting. And no, he doesn't really throw it, so reassure.

Buffer! i used it to buff my nails during lower sec. HAHAHA. Uncle chua didn't say anything. He even was the one that told us we could use it this way! (But not too much)

Yeah yeah... Uncle chua created jokes and left my class, e1 laughing or giggling like idiots. He's really a great teacher... i will miss him so...

2009-04-03T19:58:00.003+08:00

Today's events are sort of, satisfying i guess.

Right. First lesson was EM. i couldn't stand the lesson so i drew some random stuff on my hand. lol. Can't figure out what the shit i'm drawing. Tried using Yin's black marker but, aww... shucks. It smeared. i guess the only marker that works is 逊咖's one, uh. haha.

Sneaked into e2 during recess. okay, not really sneaked in since a couple of people saw my entrance. lol. Went up to her seat and took her black marker. i was planning to colour those designs on my hand but with Nurin and Louis playing rattan-rope catching? lol. i got whacked from the back! hahas. Was about to leave e2's classroom when i thought i should leave a note for 逊咖. Opened her notebook and wrote my note to her. And what the hell!? Just when i put down the pencil, 逊咖's voice came from behind me, "逊咖, 你在做什么?"
i ran.

Da da da and school ended. Went straight to the hall for dance. Many thought the drawing on my hand was a tattoo. Jen said i looked like a punk girl with that drawing of mine >.> Junior jiling said it was cool ._. hahas. Not that i don't favour their comments but seriously, what the shit am i drawing...? i have no idea. Really happy for we improved not a lot but A LOT today ;D Continue like this, and i may deem that we will be ready for SYF. Saw Gu Zheng's costume. urm... wow.. Striking indeed. hah. Pink and lime green. Bold colours they are using here. Jen said that they have a serious colour combination. heh. That was bad of her i know. Let me apologize in her place. Sorry GZers :D Meant no harm or evil intentions. lol.

Headed up to the dance studio for our hair-styling session. Okay... Here's the truth. High-tied layered hair? i looked like some kind of rocker. Backcombed? Birdnest-ed hair. AHAHAHA. No serious, i'm joking. lol.

PMS was up today. i was feeling annoyed and irritated while up in the dance studio. what the heck!? And i don't feel like speaking after the whole session ended. Feeling crappy. i told Brenda about it. She's the only person in the whole wide world i can't get angry with. Don't ask me, i don't know why. Even with PMS, i still can't. Then, Jen guessed it. haha. Triplets x3 Our mind are linked!

All right. long time since pictures came into the scene. Shall post some.

This is drawn yesterday. i didn't get to take today's version. It smeared, again.
The promised-ying longtimeago photo. That's her ;D
Orangey sky. Promised Jen this picture. So tada~

2009-04-02T20:42:00.003+08:00

Osu!

Like the past year, today's sports day is a total bored. Achievers won the cheerleading competition! It's like... WOW. haha. 'Cause for the past three years, we are always the last few >.> it sucked to mention it. hah. i was sitting there like some sort of statue, staring into blank space, watching the runners perspire as they dashed to the finishing line. Gee. i was bored. Can't get myself high enough. Oh well.

Headed down to CS with hui and clique to catch a movie. We were planning to watch 爱到底 or something like this. But it seems that they aren't showing yet so we watched Confession of the Shopaholic. Cool movie! funny, humorous... Bits and pieces of everything. Recommended! And the whole theatre wasn't even half filled. There's like my clique, some e3s and one or two couples only. haha. Went a walk here and there. Typically, it's like - boring -

Hello!? It's been 4 years since i attended school in Damai. And how many times did i go to TM for... who-knows-what? 5 times? no wait, 12 times. Hold it hold it... ah, i lost count ._.

Went to Ngee Ann Sec later. The teacher's -urm... lesson, is again, boring. She's like droning all the way and i was dozing off. Jeez, i'm so freaking tired!

Ah damn it. i got my exam timetable. Hella crap.

2009-03-30T22:02:00.004+08:00

curses. i screwed up my Prelim Oral. Aish! whatever. doesn't concern me anymore. lol. it's over! it's finally freaking over! Holy shit. i can't believe i'm that happy for it to end ;D

Anyway, Ms Wong is the one testing our oral conversation et cetera. She's good! Friendly. Definitely. She will not give those sulky or jiao bin faces/ expressions. Haha. Just try to be yourself in front of her - to those who have yet take their oral exam.

All right all right. Next thing up. Really. i seriously believed that Jen, Brenda and i may be triplets in our past life >.> haha. i mean, i met up with Jen at the canteen after oral and i told her what i said and did. And she told me the same thing!! The whole thing goes like this...

Ms Wong: So tell me about ... business... invest... future.
Jen: Hmm... (fingers went up to her chin)
----------------
Ms Wong: So tell me about ... business... invest... future.
Me: Hmm... (placed my fingers on to my chin)

lol? it's like almost the same action!? And we both slang our english AT the same word. "gonna" - "going to" ._. haha. too much of a coincidence, uh. lol. Sey, triplets x3

Physics SPA was tough and Mr Phoa, being the usual self, claimed that this was the easiest SPA ever. Oh yeah, right. huh. No one in the right mind will believe. i screwed this up too. Many people did.

THE WHOLE FREAKING GRAPH WAS A CURVE! NOT A STRAIGHT LINE!

Sigh... And i think, my trigo differentiation is a goner. no, wait. is long a goner. lol.

Oops, forget to add. All the best to the band members for tomorrow 's SYF. DamaiWindz, ganbatte!

2009-03-29T15:49:00.002+08:00

you know? i think my vision is nearly blacken out.

My head feels heavy. i'm feeling a little drowsy. My throat itches at every breath i took in. And my neck feels sore like who knows what. i could take a break. no, i need to take a break. But, damn! i can't just fall like this. i won't let myself to do so.

it's gonna rain in no time. Lightning is flashing right outside my window. Crap. Why do everything look pessimistic?

Maybe you'll be reading this. Maybe you won't. but i'm still gonna type this out.
[ It became a habit of mine. sorry. i'm sorry that i angered you. i'll try to kick it, all right? ]

2009-03-26T20:33:00.002+08:00

i'm losing my grip. i can't stay there any longer. It tires me so. So much, till i want to lose my grip and fall into the endless abyss. Allowing the dark to swallow my entire being. i want to give up.

But something is tugging my hand. i looked up. A heavy mist was what i could only make up. Crap it! i want to scream out loud, my heart felt as if bursting with emotions.

This doesn't seem right. It just doesn't.

4 days to English Oral.
19 days to SYF.
4 weeks to NAPFA
4 weeks to Mid Year.
7 months to Os.

tell me more of the truth. i can't believe i'm in denial. Shucks. This sucks.

2009-03-25T22:42:00.004+08:00

i know it's still a long way, a long time. But fear began to creep into me, engulfing my entire heart, my entire soul. it pains me. it scares me. i didn't want any of it. i realized the struggles we had been through. The laughter we shared. The mockery we showed...

Everyone has been struggling on their own. Each of us, holding on to our own dreams, that is, if we had any. But we lay on people's shoulders for support, for encouragement. i'll be damned if i lose any of this. i couldn't take it. No, i wouldn't.

all is left but 9 months...

Save You
take a breath,I'll pull myself together.
Just another step until I reach the door
you'll never know the way,
it tears me up inside to see you
I wish that I could tell you something
to take it all away.

Sometimes I wish I could save you
and there's so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up till it's over
if it takes you forever, I want you to know

when I hear your voice,
it's drowning in the whispers
your just skin and bones
there's nothing left to take
and no matter what I do
I can't make you feel better
if only I could find the answer
to help me understand

Sometimes I wish I could save you
and there's so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up till it's over
if it takes you forever, I want you to know

That, if you fall, stumble down,
I'll pick you up off the ground.
If you lose faith in you,
I'll give you strength to pull through.
Tell me you won't give up,
cause I'll be waiting here if you fall
you know I'll be there for you
If only I could find the answer,
to take it all away

Sometimes I wish I could save you
and there's so many things that I want you to know
I won't give up till it's over
if it takes you forever, I want you to know
I wish I could save you...
I want you to know...
I wish I could save you...

2009-03-22T20:06:00.002+08:00

No wonder i felt so attached to the sky.
No wonder i began to slow down my steps.
No wonder i began to look up into the sky.

Just when will one stop to enjoy the sky? This question caused me to stop my steps. Caused me to look up and wonder too. When will i...?

i love the elements. The stars, the snow. rain, thunder, lightning, clouds, moon... all of it. i love them all. Mystifying. Mysterious. Unpredictable. i couldn't help. The mysterious force they held to pull my gaze towards them. Kirei... deshou? Sora wa.

No wonder i always have my eyes on them.
No wonder i'm able to relax when staring out into the sky.
No wonder i could calm down whenever the rain pours.

They surrounded me. i felt their presence.

It was, all because of you. Isn't it?

2009-03-21T12:13:00.003+08:00

It appears that problems, serious ones, are willing to surface only this year. This very year, the year we are taking our major exam. And we can't do anything stop those troubles from coming, can we? We can't possible set up a barrier and block everything out. No, that's not going to happen.

We could wait and tackle. Outcomes? Fail or succeed. These are the choices. No, we can't do any damn thing to it. Stay strong, keep smiling, stay positive - so they said.

It's tough. It's tiring, exhausting. It always is.
We blamed others. Why this why that? Why on me? Why on her? Not fair. Injustice. Whatever there is to complain, we will. Resentment. Annoyance. They began to grow inside us.
Can't break down! Can't cry. Forced to laugh. Plaster a smile. Act cheerful. Is it ever going to work? The other party will somehow, know the pain and agony you are going through, just to stay strong.

Omaetachi wa, ima kurushindeiru. Do you know?

What's wrong with expressing your fears? What's wrong with crying and breaking down? So, that's what i asked. But i did the same too. Refusing to cry out, warning myself not to break down. Seriously, when will all this end? i couldn't tell. Never can.

i tried escaping. But only to know, the problem's still there when i open my invisible door. It is always there. Waiting for me, chasing after me, following me...

2009-03-20T21:02:00.002+08:00

whew! it's taking a toll on my body! Consistent outings (hey. Not shopping! It's dance practices) i can't take a complete rest. i can't sleep till who-knows-what-time in the morning. Argh. And i'm rushing my homework like a mad bull ._.
No time to study. Every time it will be going to school, come back and do homework. Lifeless. Shucks. Oh well. Let's stop the ranting here shall we? :D

Went to catch a movie with my darlings. haha. 'Hotel for dogs' this movie is... funny :D And just a little moving. Yeah, just a little. Few drops of tears escaped. But... hey, a 3.5 stars for them. haha. cool gadgets they have inside the movie. lol. Went shopping later. Stopped by a shop and we tried sunglasses! Haha. We tried to help matching the other's 'style'. Pretty fun. But the shopkeeper was staring at us with this must look at them. maybe they will do something funny look. hah! Whatever.

Brenda went off for her cheer leading later then Jen and i headed to golden village again for our second movie. 'Marley &Me'! 4 stars. No really big climax. And i thought that's the pity part. Otherwise, it's pretty good. i cried at the last part. i was like shedding a few tears and i said mentally, "okay, stopped." So tears really stopped. And not till minutes later, i started crying again. Aww, i really have a soft spot for dogs :D

Fun fun. Tomorrow going out with xun ka.

2009-03-17T12:18:00.003+08:00

hello hello! i'm back! ._. lol. i was... feeling lethargic and sick yesterday. Slept for the entire day after i came back from dance.

Now? Still feeling a little tired. Genkai nai na... sigh. Planning to catch a movie today with Brenda but the outing was called off. Sorry Brenda! D: i wanted to go out too. i'm bored.

There's this night market set up near my block. haha. maybe i'll find one day and shop with doing :D All right then. back to studying.

2009-03-12T22:18:00.001+08:00

Believe it. i'm doing HW right now. yes. indeed. a miracle has appeared. LOL. no lah. i'm not that bad. just exaggerated. Shucks. forgot to pack my EM file. Gotta rush.

Tas!

2009-03-11T20:04:00.003+08:00

Whew! Damn, my nose is burning. hahaha. i used up... ... urm... about 6 to 7 packets of tissues today in school? Big thanks to those that gave me their tissue packets. THANKS SO MUCH! You guys don't know that you have just saved a human's life :D haha. lol.

Went straight to sleep when i came back from school. i guess the reason behind my flu is the lack of sleep. Then here i am! In front of my computer, studying for tomorrow's Chem mock SPA. hehe. Oh well, shall continue my revision now.

Tas!

2009-03-09T21:57:00.003+08:00

Fantastic. i feel great. yeah, great. too great till i can fall asleep any moment from now. gosh! i AM tired. But it seems there's tons and tons of chores queuing up in my 'to-do' line. crap ._.

will be missing the whole day in school tomorrow. well, except for that last part - EM common test. Having SYF rehearsal tomorrow. shucks. 7am in school? No way i'm handling that~ But can't help it. What's worse? i expect the same old PT Ms Yeo gives us every practice. 15 laps. Aww, that's so gonna kill my muscles. Running early in the morning? What did i do to deserve that!? lol. whatever my instructors says. Last year in school, must as well give it my best shot :D (Gee, look at me. Enthusiastic is the word that describes me. i know i know. haha)

i've been writing down notes for some hella who know's why am i doing this reasons. Blach (from my dictionary) My English's failing. Have to blog more i guess :)

2009-03-06T20:13:00.005+08:00

Owie. My whole body's aching badly. Sigh, this time it IS really falling. Oh well. Can't understand? i reckon so. Nevermind.

Actually... i'm pretty pissed at Gu Zheng today (no offences, my dear friends). You see, we have been using the hall for weeks and the Gu Zheng instructor suddenly wanted to occupy our space. i mean, it's fine. We are actually only using the front bit of the hall. They CAN actually used the back but they didn't want to. The instructor said what the drums have to placed on the stage or whatever and it's tough to shift the big hella drums here and there. Seriously speaking, we don't mind actually. But the problem is...

THE WHOLE HELLA problem is... that we have marked our space. We have marked the SYF's stage dimensions. And does the instructor knows how long it took our dear Ms yeo to do it? No! Okay, fine. My teachers-in-charge gave in. We took the back hall. Nonono. We just have to re-mark the whole SYF stage only. Simple task.

After half an hour or so, i turned back to look at the Gu Zheng members. And craphell! The drums wasn't on the stage but on the floor. Those on the stage were sec 1s that aren't involved in SYF. The Gu Zheng SYF participants? They were all playing on the floor of the hall! Then after a while, the sec 1s shifted out of the hall to practice. Great! Stage empty, only the floor is occupied. Isn't it the same as using the back hall, GZ instructor? Why do you insisted to use the front hall when we have already marked our space. Oh damn fuck. i'm sure very much infuriated. And DAMN you are right that i'm about to cuss a lot.

2009-03-01T19:45:00.002+08:00

there was a time,
i supposed there was never a thing between us.
i guessed you didn't know my existence.
i reckoned you never saw me.

We should never have met in the first place.
it was a mistake.
i should never let my heart free.
it was an error.
you should never appear in front of me.
it was your oversight.

there was a time,
i could die for you.
i could smile because of you.
i could cry... the reason was you.

i give up. i gave up. i've given up - on you.

searching for miracles is no longer an option for me. blood is.

2009-03-01T12:46:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA. Oh my gosh! i guess some of you guys out there may have already about this matter but yeah... Lightning struck Merlion at Fullerton. Here's the link to the news. i seriously laughed at the comments by fellow SGclub members.

click here

HAHAHA. sorry. i didn't really meant to laugh at the merlion. i don't know why but i find it hilarious. lol

2009-02-28T20:44:00.002+08:00

Have you ever once muse about your unfortunate?

like stepping on dog poo or embarrassed yourself totally in the public? Had teachers picking on you? Got scolded for nothing? Lost your belongings?

Or contemplate how you fall and didn't want to get up?

like getting rejected or gave up on studies? Fail to meet the expectations of your own self? Giving up on yourself when no one did? Reckon you are a useless loser?

i'm sure you do. In fact, i do too. Everyone does, i'm sure. The stone that caused you to trip, to fall sprawling on the ground, grazing your knees and limbs. The stone that left you crying for mummy. The stone that inflicted pain on your body. Sometimes, the very stone is you yourself.

You gave up on yourself when no one did. You suppose you will fail when the results isn't out. You surmise that everyone is going to disagree with you. You think everyone is bright and clever. Geniuses surround you. That's what you think. but is it right? Answer? No. You are the one that shredded your confidence layer. The same human machine that believes that everything around is gloomy and dull.

You may have a low self-esteem problem. You probably don't have that much confidence after many setbacks. But hello!? If there was a time whereby you achieved pretty impressing results, you would say "It's just luck." Why can't you take that opportunity to think that, "My! My results are getting better. i'm getting cleverer :) " Think positively. No matter how downside the situation is. Yes, that positive mindset might not last long. It may be for about several seconds or minutes. but i bet you didn't know, within that period of time, you regained your confidence. And if only you could hold on to that short-lasting confidence. you could overcome that obstacle in your heart. No confidence is never an excuse.

Forget something? You have friends beside you. The encouragement you got from them. Don't tell me it meant nothing to you? Believe in yourself. You can do it. Just try believing. It doesn't mind if you fail. At least, believe yourself. Low self-esteem doesn't comes for free. It obstructs your work, changes your mindset. i'm sure you wouldn't want this "comes with free" package. Trust me, it isn't worth it.

2009-02-26T20:28:00.003+08:00

And da hell~i' yam hella exhausted.

hah. what is with the freaking 'accent'!? lol. Dong lent me a book she borrowed from da library. A vampire story by Lynsay Sands. Simply hilarious. Another author with great sense of humor :D i was... stifling a laugh. heh, or should i say, laughing out loud during lessons. HAHAHA. Yin Ru was the only person who was unaffected/ indifferent about my reactions. Jasmine, Alexis and Khee Hwee gave me those weird and puzzled expressions. lol.
i didn't do anything strange! i swear! All i did was to laugh like no one's business and ran to Jen's seat ._. Not odd, uh? See! i told ya. i didn't do anything strange!

Three tests today. Sigh. Non-stop too! English then Chem then Higher Mother Tongue. Sheesh. i'm tired! Exhausted! Test after test... i know. i know. It doesn't help even when i complained. But just letta me rant all right? :)

To ying/ xun ka:

hey ying. i don't know what secrets you're keeping from me. But urm... If you don't wanna tell, then it's fine with me. If so happen that you are facing any problems, you can confide to me all right? i'll be your secret keeper since you are mine :] Aww... i know. Don't have to praise me. i'm goood~ HAHAHA. no lah. Just joking. Don't keep to yourself lah. All right? lousy girl. lol

To hui/ bai ka:

what lousy girl sia, i'm NOT LOUSY okay! you're far more lousier, admit it. :D i told you a hint "D" but you could not get it right (noobie). its neither "Depression" nor "Disappointment". :) AND its not what you're thinking lah. ( i know what's on your mind ) by the way, i don't think i'm emo, lallaas. last but not least, i shall keep your secret a secret till the day i lies in the coffin, lols. what a great friend you have. :D

To ying/ bai and xun ka:
is you more toot lor. hahaha. As for the hint you give, must as well don't give. WAH WAH WAH! While typing this out, i suddenly thought of what it is already! HAHAHA. Clever sia. no words to describe, with only the exception of - GENIUS! :D lol. btw, it's lay not lies, lousy girl >.> you just contridicted yourself, tootie. HAHAHA. there's no such thing as more lousier, xun ka! only more retard. hehes.

2009-02-25T18:51:00.002+08:00

24.2.2009

Totally depressed. 'Cause it's THE day. Crap shit. It rained still! It's like reviving those memories AND atmosphere. Nauseating you say, uh? i think otherwise. i didn't want to be reminded. Tried to laugh and have fun. Yeah i did during P.E. Had a great deal of mocking at Gladys ;D But this joy? this mirth was not for long. It helped to be with friends definitely. They will make you laugh even not on purpose. But how long can the smile last? A second or two i guess. i tried to forget. i tried to distract. But it can't. It... it just stay put in my brain. Refusing to budge even a centimeter. That stubborn feeling.

i didn't cry. Weirdly enough. Or maybe is that i try hard not too. i can't get myself pumped up for the day. i'm tired. i'm restless. this feeling, this malaise. i wanted the day to end so badly.

25.2.2009

i gotta confess something! During dance today, Ms yeo complimented me even though i didn't do it on purpose ._. i was suppose to step on to Soo Leng (i think)'s leg when her leg gave way. So i fell FLAT on the ground and Ms Yeo thought it was on purpose and she said, "Nice! Shi hui." uhh... great man. i mean like... marvelous! when i tried to do it, she didn't say anything and when i didn't do it she complimented me. How irony. lol. Time flies for today's dance practice. dunch-know why.

Crap. tomorrow's Chem test. oh, shit! There's still HMT common test lah! What the sia... Oh well back to studying. See gladys chiong i also need to start revising my work. So peeps, won't be as active as last year uh.